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download the PDF file - Whoa is (Not)

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The Real WorldHe pulls <strong>the</strong> ITDT off <strong>the</strong> o<strong>the</strong>r side of <strong>the</strong> portal and looks at it. There are three main buttons and anon-off switch: <strong>the</strong> two arrow-marked buttons scrolled through names; <strong>the</strong> large central button took youto <strong>the</strong>m. O<strong>the</strong>r tinier buttons could program additional coordinates in once <strong>the</strong> user figured out how <strong>the</strong>yworked. Presumably <strong>the</strong>re was a manual for <strong>the</strong> thing out <strong>the</strong>re somewhere, but Dem had not seen fit toprovide <strong>the</strong>m with one.The portal shimmers into nothing.<strong>Not</strong>-Tim pockets <strong>the</strong> ITDT and goes over to h<strong>is</strong> bike. He pulls h<strong>is</strong> blazer back on, and looks out at <strong>the</strong>crowds still clamouring outside <strong>the</strong> building, unaware of what was going on inside, desperate for aglimpse of ano<strong>the</strong>r world, o<strong>the</strong>r worlds, through <strong>the</strong> people who lived in <strong>the</strong>m; people now gone – orsoon to be gone – as though <strong>the</strong>y had never been.<strong>Not</strong>-Tim wonders what it was all for.But answers... Answers can come at ano<strong>the</strong>r time.He climbs onto h<strong>is</strong> bike, starts up <strong>the</strong> engine and rides off home, m<strong>is</strong>sing <strong>the</strong> weight of Neo behind him.Through <strong>the</strong> gate, alone th<strong>is</strong> time.Porch.Door.H<strong>is</strong> footsteps make <strong>the</strong> only sounds.The telev<strong>is</strong>ion set <strong>is</strong> on, blaring at an empty couch. Unwashed cutlery dumped in <strong>the</strong> sink. Stuffarranged haphazardly on a shelf. Puddles of water by <strong>the</strong> side of <strong>the</strong> pool.A sudden empty loneliness descends on him.H<strong>is</strong> scripts have names, dialogue, descriptions; monospaced serif text typed out on paper. The filmshave faces and voices and snippets of lives; him but not-him, clashing and combining with memories of<strong>the</strong> same embodied in flesh by h<strong>is</strong> side, breathing and thinking and speaking and being; independent ofh<strong>is</strong> control.It could have been a dream.Fleeting scenes pass through h<strong>is</strong> mind as he dumps <strong>the</strong> keys and moves through <strong>the</strong> rooms, going to<strong>the</strong> sink to wash up. Half-forgotten conversations already dimming in memory: Neo looking for <strong>the</strong>computer, Ludlow grabbing for h<strong>is</strong> throat, Griffin handcuffed to h<strong>is</strong> wr<strong>is</strong>t, Alex l<strong>is</strong>tening in <strong>the</strong> quiet of <strong>the</strong>night.The memories threaten to flatten and collapse; reduce into half-psychotic extensions of himself,imagination running wild, thought experiments that went too far, back-stories that took on lives too bigfor <strong>the</strong>m.But <strong>the</strong> ITDT <strong>is</strong> still in h<strong>is</strong> pocket. He holds it, closes h<strong>is</strong> fingers over it, feels <strong>the</strong> weight of o<strong>the</strong>r livesjust out of reach but still extant, feels <strong>the</strong> physical assurance of fiction turned reality, and he hopes, withsudden desperation, that it was not a dream.

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