download the PDF file - Whoa is (Not)

Static. A beep, and we see a pretty nice view of a wall. A small red dot, followed by the letters 'REC',adorn the upper-right hand corner of the screen."Awright!" says the teenage cameraman-cum-narrator, the young Keanu-spawn named Jesse Walker.Not that his identity matters, because we won't be seeing much of him apart from what gets in the wayof the camera."Welcome to the fourth floor of Kenselton Hotel. It starts out over there, see -"The camera swings to show us one end of the corridor."-the stairs are that way, and there are more stairs that way." The camera swings around in a nauseainducingmanner. "If you go up the stairs to the eighth floor, you can find some really great rum."The camera settles somewhat, and moves along the corridor with the cameraman. Left turn. A handappears and pushes open the first door on that side of the corridor. We enter the room."That's Bob." The camera focuses on Bob Arctor, sitting on the bed and staring blankly off into space."He doesn't say anything much. So we put him in here. Everyone else complains about the noise fromthe stairwell."We leave the room. The door closes, and the camera turns to the one next to it."And that's Julian in there. He's our resident doctor, but most of the time he's asleep. He's probably justpretending 'cause he's sick of people pestering him for first aid. Sometimes the rum raids get nasty,see. And..."A door opens, and out come Neo, Ted and Alex, the latter two still munching on popcorn."Hey, popcorn! Can I have s..."The camera pans down slightly and then goes blank. When the picture comes back on a second later,the amount of popcorn in the bowl is significantly less than before."Okay, where was I..."John Constantine stalks past carrying the deactivated lightsaber in his left hand and looking generallymad at the world. He gives the camera the finger as he passes, not turning his head.The camera points towards another door."That's where we lock up the crazy ones: Barksdale, Griffin, Don John... There was a lot of noise inthere this morning; sounded like gunshots, but it's awfully quiet in there now. Let's go take a look..."A hand appears and unlocks the door. It pushes the door open.For a moment we see an empty room... then suddenly loud noises erupt, the camera gets knockedaround, yells and screams are heard, AND THE SCREEN GOES BLANK.The door opened. A teenager fell out. The door slammed shut. Seconds later, it opened again,disgorged a damaged camera, and shut again.Jesse Walker picked up his totalled camera and got unsteadily to his feet, left hand clamped over what**