The Survivors Speak

Fear, loneliness, and emotional neglect • 111
Betsy Annahatak grew up in Kangirsuk, in northern Québec, which was then known as
Payne Bay. When her parents were on the land, she lived in a small hostel in the community.
Like many students, she has strong memories of the loneliness she experienced at
the school.
I remember the, the time the first few nights we
were in the residential school, when one person
would start crying, all the, all the little girls would
start crying; all of us. We were different ages. And
we would cry like little puppies or dogs, right into
the night, until we go to sleep; longing for our families.
That’s the memory I have. 391
Noel Knockwood recalled boys crying themselves to
sleep at the Shubenacadie school in the 1940s.
At nighttime I could hear some boys trying to
smother their, their crying by putting a pillow over
Betsy Annahatak.
their mouth. And they would, not be heard too
much, but we could hear them because they were
in the same room with us. And, and we slept in a large dormitory which had perhaps
about twenty-five or thirty beds and we were side by side. So we could hear some
kids crying at night and they would say, you know, “I’m lonesome, I want my mother,
I want my father.” 392
For the first three days that Nellie Ningewance was at the Sioux Lookout school, all she
did was cry.
There was lots of us; other girls didn’t seem to, seem to be doing the same thing, the
younger ones. So my, my hiding place was in the washroom. I’d sneak to the washroom
and sit in the washroom and they would look for me; I wouldn’t answer. I hid
in the washroom. I sat on the toilet tank with my feet on the toilet seat; and nobody
didn’t see me where I was. I wouldn’t open the door. Somebody had to crawl under to
get me out. 393
On her first night at the Spanish, Ontario, girls’ school, Shirley Williams recalled, “no
sooner did we have the, the lights off, and in our, our beds, I could hear people sniffling,
and I knew they were crying. I think the loneliness swept in and for me, too, and but I slept
at least, you know, but I think I woke up every hour and that, but I did, but I did go to sleep
finally.” 394
Daniel Andre was frightened and lonely when he went to Grollier Hall, the Roman
Catholic residence in Inuvik, Northwest Territories. “And the hardest part that I had to
deal with was when I would go to sleep at night, and I’d cry myself to sleep every night,
wondering what I did wrong to, to be away from my mom and dad, and not to have them
with me, or beside me, or protecting me.” 395