Tell us a joke to cheer us all up. - Blog.de

What did she think I had - an elephant?
So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no,I didn't have a dog, I was
starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in hospital
last time, but that I'd lost 2 stones before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of
most of my orifices and IVs in both arms
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your
pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is
nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.
(I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told
her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's arse and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
I'm now banned from Sainsbury's. :lol:
Wombat says:
Teacher: What do you want to become?
Little boy: A gynaecologist miss.
Teacher: Why?
Little boy: Because it's the only profession where you can tell a woman to take off her knickers
and get her husband to pay for it.
Mr. D. V. Logan says:
Dad buys a lie detecting robot which slaps people when they lie and decides to test it at dinner.
He says to his son "What was school like today"
Son replies "Same old dad a, bit boring" the robot slaps him, "Ok I was at Mike's house and we
watched a dvd"
"Which dvd" his dad asked
"Transformers" replied the son, the robot slaps him again "Ok, ok I was watching porn"
"When I was your age, I never watched porn you should be disgusted" said the dad, the robot
then slaps the dad.
Mum laughs "He's definitely your son", robot slaps mum.
cheeky Monkey says:
A woman is sitting at home relaxing and sipping wine with her husband.
She says, "I love you."
Husband asks, "Is that you or the wine talking?"
She replies, "It's me............. talking to the wine."
John Oreilly says:
if peter cushing married whoopi goldberg would she become .......whoopi cushing
Sir Missalot says:
Why do only 2 out of 10 cats shave?
Because 8 out of 10 cats prefer whiskers!