Safety Net

susceptible to relapse and should take proactive measures to stay in recovery for the rest of their lives. With time,
remaining in recovery becomes easier.
The following factors can be used to measure an addict’s recovery:
Is he completely honest, open and transparent in discussing his
pornography problem—past and present—with his leaders,
parents, spouse, or girlfriend?
What has he done to facilitate his recovery? Did he fully disclose
his problem, work the 12-Step program and get counseling?
Does he acknowledge himself as an addict and continue to
attend 12-Step meetings and work with a sponsor to maintain
recovery?
How long have has he gone without viewing pornography? Has it
been 7-12 months?
Has he healed from the effects of pornography, addressed issues
that led to pornography use and learned to deal with life in a
more constructive manner?
33
The Effects of Pornography on the
Spouse and Marriage
When a wife discovers her husband’s pornography use,
the emotions experienced are similar to the grieving
process associated with the death of a loved one: shock,
disbelief or denial, anger, depression and, finally,
acceptance. Acknowledging, accepting and allowing
those feelings to take their course are important.
Pornography frequently changes the addict’s personality,
influences the way he treats others and causes an
emotional distance from those around him. The spouse
often feels betrayed, rejected, abandoned and
unimportant. Feelings of deep loneliness and responsibility for the addiction are almost universal. Anger at the
addicted spouse and even toward God is common. “I did everything I was supposed to do. Is this what I get for it?”
They may feel abandoned not only physically and emotionally, but also spiritually.
Pornography addicts frequently pressure their spouses to keep the issue private. This isolation compounds the
downward spiral of unhealthy feelings and counter-productive behavior. Without appropriate help and counseling, the
emotional, physical and spiritual health of the spouse will deteriorate.