Safety Net

Wisdom from the Sexaholics Anonymous White Book
“There is an attractive healing atmosphere in confidential, anonymous 12-­­step meetings
when someone is transparent and self-­­revealing at depth. Vulnerable and like a child, we
take the supreme risk of exposing the truth about ourselves, dark as it may be. We speak of
our weakness because that’s where we’re hurting, and THIS becomes the point of our
identification with each other, the point of true union. Once this single ray of truth and
light shines in a meeting, it finds ready reception and response in the others present.
Honesty is catching; we’re learning to walk in the light.” White Book, Sexaholics
Anonymous
Our problem is physical, emotional and spiritual. Healing must come about in all three
areas. The crucial change in attitude began when we admitted that our habit had us
whipped. We came to 12-­­step meetings and we discovered we could stop, that not feeding the hunger
didn’t kill us, that sex was indeed optional. There was hope for freedom, and we began to feel alive.
Encouraged to continue, we turned more and more away from our isolating obsession with
sex and self and turned to God and others. All this was scary. We found that others had
traveled this path before. Learning a new way to surrender to God’s power, we found this
surrender was killing the obsession! We had stepped into the light, into a whole new way
of life. The safety of fellowship with others in recovery gave us monitoring and support to
keep us from being overwhelmed. Instead of covering for feelings with compulsive sex, we
began exposing the roots of our spiritual emptiness and hunger. And the healing began.
Facing our character defects we became willing to change. As defects were surrendered we began to
be more comfortable with ourselves and others for the first time without our
“drug”. We tried to right our wrongs and at each amends the dreadful load of guilt dropped from our
shoulders until we could lift our heads, look the world the eye and stand free. We were learning how to
give; and the measure we gave was the measure we got back. We were finding what none of the
substitutes had ever supplied. We were making the real
Connection. We were home. Adapted from the SA White Book
The White Book: Part 1, section 3: The spiritual basis of addiction
I became aware of the power this thing had over me and that I was actually acting against
my will
The addictive process involves the most fundamental aspect of our being, our spirit which
is the combination of all our attitudes, choices, thoughts and behavior
Under the surface we are seething with resentment, hostility, anger, envy, rebellion and
rage. We use these feelings to create a change of heart which allows our addictive
behavior
As we make the conscious choices setting into motion the addictive process, we become
increasingly selfish and self-­­centered. We become increasingly closed off and defensive,
unteachable and willful
Even though part of us knew the habit controlled us, it was often the one thing in our lives
we thought we were controlling.
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