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not a source of feeling good about himself, for they are what he feels are normal
abilities and behaviours for abused children like himself.
The abused child is in an environment where he is expected to be sensitive to and
responsible for much of the happiness of the adults in his world. He certainly is not
to make life more difficult for the adults by demanding, asking for or wanting things.
The abused child is in a home where there are very few contacts outside his nuclear
family. His parents rarely ever have friends come in. Indeed, there is very little
laughter in his home. He has very little contact with other children. As the abused
child grows older, he is made aware that his parents do not want him to develop
relationships and liaisons outside the home - be they with peers or other adults. He
has no opportunity to see how adults other than his mother and father behave. His
parents fight a lot - he hears and sees verbal and physical hostility between the only
adults in his environment. While he does not understand it, he continually gets put into
"no win" situations.
The abused child, is not expected to have any joy in life. Further, he does not see any
modelling of true happiness and joy in his home. The adults around him may be
abrupt and angry, sad and depressed, distant and aloof, unfriendly and cold - but they
are not happy zestful people. The abused child senses that the world outside his home
is the same - a hostile demanding environment through which he must negotiate.
The abused child may be ignored - and his basic needs neglected. He may be in a
world where the adults pay no attention to him, so long as he does not make demands
or provide intrusions into their lives. The abused child is not taught internal controls
or an empathetic concern about others, but rather doing what others - the adults ­
want and tell him to do. Violence, cruelty, and causing pain to others are not
considered bad to him. Indeed, his parents have been violent and cruel and
deliberately inflicted physical and psychic pain on him under the aegis of teaching ,
helping and controlling him. His developing sense of conscience is a distorted and
tenuous thing.