Join My Cult - Original Falcon Press

0. A Fleet of Shards
(Alexi’s Prologue)
Gabrael,
I’m in the hospital now, writing down the closing chapter of this
story. While I do this, I look back upon the project you asked me to
undertake, exploring what led me to you, but I feel that I’ve only provided
a veneer.
You asked for a concise record of my probation and instead I give
you a jigsaw puzzle of my parts which, if put in the proper order, like
the permutations of the name of God in Sefer Yetzirah, will make me
whole again.
I feel an overwhelming compulsion to schematize my experience. I
have digested and regurgitated these events countless times. They are
jumbled and rearranged, reinterpreted, and recontextualized by events
running both directions in my timeline. In the process, these disparate
events become me, my alpha and my omega.
We cannot understand a thing until we make it in our own image. For
my own part, I can’t seem to avoid putting myself in a hall of mirrors…and,
it is only through our own darkened mirror that we can see
each other. Those events, those mirror reflections that do not resemble
us disappear. They hide, unnoticed, as a part of our shadow.
When we see our reflected opposite in that mirror, we are pulled up
to its surface, maybe through a fascination with what stands on the
other side, if we could only break through. So far in my experience, the
result of this action, this attempt at reconciling opposites, is either frustration
or assimilation. If we do manage to appear through the looking
glass, we merge with our opposite there on the other side. They become
us, we become them. Our union and dissolution is at first bliss, but
afterwards there is nothing to be done. And, if you are like most other
Americans, you are still here, alone no matter how many thighs or
oceans you have parted, existing in spiritual exile from the world out
there.
Thus I see this account in many ways as an attempt at valid communication,
where the hall of mirrors of my ego will reflect a bigger picture,
a birds-eye view. If I cannot understand, relate to and experience
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