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Join My Cult - Original Falcon Press

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never have to. I have the force of my will here. This is my magickal<br />

wand, the totem of my will. But the Chief is calm. I think he understands<br />

my ploy, the sly old wolf. His eyes are like glacier ice. It burns when you<br />

look at them. Yes, he is wolf clan, enemy of crow.<br />

It is very clear to me now why I have a problem with his clan’s intentions<br />

in the reality war. Of course I can’t tell him this, and I certainly<br />

can’t tell him that I have allied with panther. He would kill me for sure.<br />

This is what I’m thinking but it is not what I am saying. I’m explaining<br />

how easy it is to break out of programmed responses in times that our<br />

nervous system interprets as life-threatening danger. These are times of<br />

imprinting, not all that unlike the first sexual encounter. I am explaining<br />

all of this to him, but I’m the one being tested. I feel frustration that most<br />

behavior is purely on the level of reaction, that the webs are binding and<br />

no one sees the freedom of becoming. I’m suddenly in twenty places at<br />

once, on all levels, some of them feel very deep under water, seeing<br />

movies of people behaving mechanically, fight or flight, do I look big or<br />

little? will to power in the most rudimentary sense, subverted sexuality<br />

and the revenge of the repressed, the doldrums and cages that spring up<br />

with every opportunity in thought and in action to keep us from really<br />

seeing eye to eye. Seeing past the mirror, under the appearance. It is very<br />

clear to me here that lying “under” the visual phenomenon is a being on<br />

all levels, apprehending all possible states—<br />

…No time for this, though—he’s sitting in a hospital trying to explain<br />

the basic premises of quantum physics, western esoteric Qabbalah, and<br />

relativity to a board of doctors. A futile attempt at explaining his condition.<br />

He paused. The doctors were staring at him blankly with the heads of<br />

mighty beasts.<br />

“There are birds pecking out my eyes! birds bad!…” he screamed<br />

suddenly.<br />

No reaction.<br />

“BIRDS! MY EYES! AHHHH!”<br />

All of the doctors have heads like animals. Great and hairy, slender<br />

and covered in slick scales, their stares are ominous and thoroughly<br />

disorienting. They’re all the tribal chieftains of a particular belief, the<br />

tribal belief pacts of nations, religions, icons and symbols. He recognizes<br />

the rat, crow, cat and bear lords before the scene fades.<br />

171

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