Teaching Subjectivity. Travelling Selves for Feminist ... - MailChimp

There we find references to affections, to friendships, to jealousies, to
small hostilities, to ill-intentioned rumours – “the whispers” [“murmurações”]
– to the climate of envy that sometimes surrounded nuns that became conspicuous.
They touch on intimate dramas, missing the past, and the appeal of
life outside the convent. Doubt, vacillations of faith, rebellion and the weight
of the sense of sin stand out. The battle against carnal temptations must always
be fought and it is expressed under the various guises of the devil and the temptations.
For this purpose we should consider the words of Antónia Margarida
de Castelo Branco, taken from her Autobiografia : “Na semana passada tive
terceiro assalto contra a obediência. Havia alguns meses que tinham crescido as
murmurações com as minhas demoras no confessionário. Perturbou-se o meu
interior com várias atribulações que me traziam quase irracional. O demónio
atormentava-me com imaginações de que jogava comigo como com arma sua.
Algumas horas senti veementes impulsos de desesperar e de outros vícios.” 8
One is struck by the repeated attempts, always ending in failure, to practise
virtues – modesty, obedience, a renouncing of self-esteem. The torment of
full devotion to God is constant, as well as the mortifications, the practices of
flagellation as expressions of excess devotion.
In her autobiography, Mother Maria Josefa gives an account of her desire for
mortification: “No que toca à penitência tive sempre grandes desejos dela, posto
que nunca chegaram minhas obras a meus desejos. Procurava licença das Preladas e
às vezes dos Prelados, e davam-me algumas para tomar disciplina e usar de cilícios e
cadeias alguns dias da semana, e alguns jejuns de pão e água em dias particulares.” 9
But these texts also tell us of the delights of divine love, of the ecstasies and
the wonderful visions. Mother Maria Josefa writes in full ecstasy in one of
the multiple extraordinary visions that fill her manuscript:” Estando uma noite
no coro em oração, me mostra Cristo um campo de flores mui ameno e
de alegre vista, onde sua Divina Majestade estava sentado, com mui grande
formosura, e em particular lhe vi as mãos, com toda e muito mais perfeição
que a Esposa nos Cantares. Das mais perfeições do rosto não pude dar fé.
8
[“Last week I felt a third assault against obedience. Some months ago the comments on my delay at the confes-
Some months ago the comments on my delay at the confessionary
have grown. My mind was again ruffled with several tribulations that would drive me almost insane. The
devil tormented me with imaginations that he would play with me as if I was a weapon of his own… For some
hours I have felt strong urges of despair and of other vices. ] Antónia Margarida Castelo Branco, Autobiografia, 363.
9
[“Regarding penitence I have always had great desires of it, since my works have never been to the measure of my
desires. I would ask for permission from the Abbesses and sometimes of the Prelates, and some were given to take
discipline and use cilices and chains for some days each week, and some bread and water fasts on specific days.”] Madre
Maria Josefa, Relação da Vida da Madre Maria Josefa, n.d., Manuscript, Biblioteca Nacional de Lisboa, cod.79, 273.
129