fifty-shades-of-grey

“Oh.” My brain has frozen, stunned into inactivity by this admission.“So I do know what it involves, Anastasia.” His eyes glow with insight.I stare at him, unable to articulate anything – even my subconscious is silent.“I didn’t really have a run-of-the-mill introduction to sex.”Curiosity kicks in big time.“So you never dated anyone at college?”“No.” He shakes his head to emphasize the point.The waitress takes our plates, interrupting us for a moment.“Why?” I ask when she’s gone.He smiles sardonically.“Do you really want to know?”“Yes.”“I didn’t want to. She was all I wanted, needed. And besides, she’d have beaten theshit out of me.” He smiles fondly at the memory.Oh, this is way too much information – but I want more.“So if she was a friend of your mother’s, how old was she?”He smirks.“Old enough to know better.”“Do you still see her?”“Yes.”“Do you still… err… ?” I flush.“No.” He shakes his head and smiles indulgently at me. “She’s a very good friend.”“Oh. Does your mother know?”He gives me a don’t-be-stupid stare.“Of course not.”The waitress returns with venison, but my appetite has vanished. What a revelation.Christian the submissive… Holy shit. I take a large slug of Pinot Grigio – he’s right, ofcourse, it’s delicious. Jeez, all these revelations, it’s so much to think about. I need timeto process this, when I’m on my own, not when I’m distracted by his presence. He’s sooverwhelming, so Alpha Male, and now he’s thrown this bombshell into the equation. Heknows what it’s like.“But it can’t have been full time?” I’m confused.“Well, it was, though I didn’t see her all the time. It was… difficult. After all, I wasstill at school and then at college. Eat up, Anastasia.”“I’m really not hungry, Christian.” I am reeling from your disclosure.His expression hardens.“Eat,” he says quietly, too quietly.I stare at him. This man – sexually abused as an adolescent – his tone is so threatening.“Give me a moment,” I mutter quietly. He blinks a couple of times.“Okay,” he murmurs, and he continues with his meal.This is what it will be like if I sign, him ordering me around. I frown. Do I want this?Reaching for my knife and fork, I tentatively cut into the venison. It’s very tasty.“Is this what our err… relationship will be like?” I whisper. “You, ordering mearound?” I can’t quite bring myself to look at him.