fifty-shades-of-grey

For the first time in my life, I voluntarily go for a run. I find my nasty, never-used sneakers,some sweat pants, and a t-shirt. I put my hair in pigtails, blushing at the memories theybring back, and I plug in my iPod. I can’t sit in front of that marvel of technology and lookat or read any more disturbing material. I need to expend some of this excess, enervating,energy. Quite frankly, I have a mind to run to the Heathman hotel and just demand sexfrom the control freak. But that’s five miles, and I don’t think I’ll be able to run one mile,let alone five, and of course, he might turn me down which would be beyond humiliating.Kate is walking from her car as I head out of the door. She nearly drops her shoppingwhen she sees me. Ana Steele in sneakers. I wave and don’t stop for the inquisition. Ineed some serious alone time. Snow Patrol blaring in my ears, I set off into the opal andaquamarine dusk.I pace through the park. What am I going to do? I want him, but on his terms? I justdon’t know. Perhaps I should negotiate what I want. Go through that ridiculous contractline by line and say what is acceptable and what isn’t. My research has told me that legallyit’s unenforceable. He must know that. I figure that it just sets up the parameters of therelationship. It illustrates what I can expect from him and what he expects from me – mytotal submission. Am I prepared to give him that? Am I even capable?I am plagued by one question - why is he like this? Is it because he was seduced at sucha young age? I just don’t know. He’s still such a mystery.