fifty-shades-of-grey

to give it to him. Quickly, I rip a small piece of paper from my notebook, hastily scribblea note for him, and leave it on top of the box.I gaze at myself in the mirror. A pale and haunted ghost stares back at me. I scoop myhair into a ponytail and ignore how swollen my eyelids are from the crying. My subconsciousnods with approval. Even she knows not to be snarky right now. I cannot believethat my world is crumbling around me into a sterile pile of ashes, all my hopes and dreamscruelly dashed. No, no don’t think about it. Not now, not yet. Taking a deep breath, I pickup my case, and after placing the glider kit and my note on his pillow, I head for the greatroom.Christian is on the phone. He’s dressed in black jeans and t-shirt. His feet are bare.“He said what!” he shouts, making me jump. “Well, he could have told us the fuckingtruth. What’s his number, I need to call him… Welch, this is a real fuck-up.” He glancesup and doesn’t take his dark and brooding eyes off me. “Find her,” he snaps and pressesthe off switch.I walk over to the couch and collect my backpack, doing my best to ignore him. I takethe Mac out of it and walk back toward the kitchen, placing it carefully on the breakfastbar, along with the BlackBerry and the car key. When I turn to face him, he’s staring at me,stupefied with horror.“I need the money that Taylor got for my Beetle.” My voice is clear and calm, devoidof emotion… extraordinary.“Ana, I don’t want those things, they’re yours,” he says in disbelief. “Please, takethem.”“No Christian – I only accepted them under sufferance – and I don’t want them anymore.”“Ana, be reasonable,” he scolds me, even now.“I don’t want anything that will remind me of you. I just need the money that Taylorgot for my car.” My voice is quite monotone.He gasps.“Are you really trying to wound me?”“No.” I frown staring at him. Of course not… I love you. “I’m not. I’m trying toprotect myself,” I whisper. Because you don’t want me the way I want you.“Please, Ana, take that stuff.”“Christian, I don’t want to fight – I just need the money.”