fifty-shades-of-grey

“We’ll see,” he says tightly.He grimaces as he opens the driver’s door and helps me in. I take my shoes off and rolldown the window. He’s gazing at me, his expression unfathomable, eyes dark.“Drive safely,” he says quietly.“Goodbye, Christian.” My voice is hoarse from unbidden, unshed tears – jeez I’m notgoing to cry. I give him a small smile.As I drive away, my chest constricts, my tears start to fall, and I choke back a sob.Soon tears are streaming down my face, and I really don’t understand why I’m crying. Iwas holding my own. He explained everything. He was clear. He wants me, but the truthis, I need more. I need him to want me like I want and need him, and deep down I knowthat’s not possible. I am just overwhelmed.I don’t even know how to categorize him. If I do this thing… will he be my boyfriend?Will I be able to introduce him to my friends? Go out to bars, the cinema, bowling even,with him? The truth is, I don’t think I will. He won’t let me touch him and he won’t let mesleep with him. I know I’ve not had these things in my past, but I want them in my future.And that’s not the future he envisages.What if I do say yes, and in three months’ time he says no, he’s had enough of tryingto mold me into something I’m not. How will I feel? I’ll have emotionally invested threemonths, doing things that I’m not sure I want to do. And if he then says no, agreement over,how could I cope with that level of rejection? Perhaps it’s best to back away now with whatself-esteem I have reasonably intact.But the thought of not seeing him again is agonizing. How has he gotten under myskin so quickly? It can’t just be the sex… can it? I dash the tears from my eyes. I don’twant to examine my feelings for him. I’m frightened what I’ll uncover if I do. What amI going to do?I park up outside our duplex. No lights on. Kate must be out. I’m relieved. I don’twant her to catch me crying again. As I undress, I wake up the mean machine and sittingin my inbox is a message from Christian.From: Christian GreySubject: TonightDate: May 25 2011 22:01To: Anastasia SteeleI don’t understand why you ran this evening. I sincerely hope I answered all your questionsto your satisfaction. I know I have given you a great deal to contemplate, and Ifervently hope that you will give my proposal your serious consideration. I really want tomake this work. We will take it slow.Trust me.Christian GreyCEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.