fifty-shades-of-grey

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down her face. I can no longer hold mine back. I put my head down and proceed to thegate, keeping my eyes on the shiny, white floor, blurred through my watery tears.Once on board, in the luxury of first class, I curl up in my seat and try to compose myself.It is always painful to wrench myself away from Mom… she is scatty, disorganized,but newly insightful, and she loves me. Unconditional love – what every child deservesfrom its parents. I frown at my wayward thoughts, and pulling out my BlackBerry, stareat it despondently.What does Christian know of love? Seems he didn’t get the unconditional love he wasentitled to during his very early years. My heart twists, and my mother’s words waft like azephyr through my mind: Yes, Ana. Hell – what do you need? – a neon sign flashing on hisforehead? She thinks Christian loves me, but then she’s my mother, of course she’d thinkthat. She thinks I deserve the best of everything. I frown. It’s true, and in a moment ofstartling clarity, I see it. It’s very simple: I want his love. I need Christian Grey to love me.This is why I am so reticent about our relationship – because on some basic, fundamentallevel, I recognize within me a deep-seated compulsion to be loved and cherished.And because of his fifty shades – I am holding myself back. The BDSM is a distractionfrom the real issue. The sex is amazing, he’s wealthy, he’s beautiful, but this is allmeaningless without his love, and the real heart-fail is that I don’t know if he’s capable oflove. He doesn’t even love himself. I recall his self-loathing, her love being the only formhe found – acceptable. Punished – whipped, beaten, whatever their relationship entailed –he feels undeserving of love. Why does he feel like that? How can he feel like that? Hiswords haunt me: ‘It’s very hard to grow up in a perfect family when you’re not perfect.’I close my eyes, imagining his pain, and I can’t begin to comprehend it. I shudder asI remember that I may have divulged too much. What have I confessed to Christian in mysleep? What secrets have I revealed?I stare at the BlackBerry in the vague hope that it will give me some answers. Ratherunsurprisingly, it is not very forthcoming. As we haven’t taken off yet, I decide to emailmy Fifty Shades.From: Anastasia SteeleSubject: Homeward BoundDate: June 3 2011 12:53 ESTTo: Christian GreyDear Mr. GreyI am once again ensconced in first class, for which I thank you. I am counting the minutesuntil I see you this evening, and perhaps torturing the truth out of you about mynocturnal admissions.Your Ana xFrom: Christian GreySubject: Homeward BoundDate: June 3 2011 09:58To: Anastasia Steele
Anastasia, I look forward to seeing you.Christian GreyCEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.His response makes me frown. It sounds clipped and formal, not his usual witty, pithystyle.From: Anastasia SteeleSubject: Homeward BoundDate: June 3 2011 13:01 ESTTo: Christian GreyDearest Mr. GreyI hope everything is okay re ‘the situation.’ The tone of your email is worrying.Ana xFrom: Christian GreySubject: Homeward BoundDate: June 3 2011 10:04To: Anastasia SteeleAnastasiaThe situation could be better. Have you taken off yet? If so you should not be emailing.You are putting yourself at risk, in direct contravention of the rule regarding your personalsafety. I meant what I said about punishments.Christian GreyCEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.Crap. Okay. Jeez. What is eating him? Perhaps ‘the situation’? Maybe Taylor’s goneAWOL, maybe he’s dropped a few million on the stock market – whatever the reason.From: Anastasia SteeleSubject: Over-ReactionDate: June 3 2011 13:06 ESTTo: Christian GreyDear Mr. GrumpyThe aircraft doors are still open. We are delayed but only by ten minutes. My welfareand that of the passengers around me is vouchsafed. You may stow your twitchy palm
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First published by The Writer’s C
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I am indebted to the following peop
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“Ana, I’m sorry. It took me nin
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Perhaps Mr. Grey insists on all his
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energies accordingly. I think it wa
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“Are you gay, Mr. Grey?”He inha
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My heart is pounding. The elevator
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“You look better. Did you eat you
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“How are things with you, Ana?”
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Cable ties?“We stock various leng
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“Um.” I feel the color in my ch
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Kate is ecstatic.“But what was he
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I am restless that night, tossing a
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“Certainly, sir,” Taylor replie
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I go crimson. I was just thinking a
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Holy shit. He’s remembering the
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“Are you okay?” he whispers. He
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“I’ve got this,” I breathe, f
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Do I need a visual reminder of the
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“I’ve found one Tess first edit
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I wait at the bar for what feels li
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“Oh?” I don’t understand.“H
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Holy hell, he’s been working out.
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he’s so antagonizing too; he’s
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He glares at me as if I have offend
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All night!“Yes. On call tomorrow
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advantage, his tongue expertly expl
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“It is, isn’t it?” he grins,
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continues to kiss Kate, sweeping he
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“Yes, it’s been a long day for
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eneath my lashes. He has a beautifu
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on top of the building, and I’m n
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“Aren’t you even going to read
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But what dominates the room is a be
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“No. I told you, I don’t sleep
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Oh… that surprises me. Before I c
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“No, I don’t think that’s a g
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I shrug.“No one’s really, you k
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“I like brunettes,” he murmurs,
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lace and slowly circles around me -
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“You are mine,” he whispers.
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those same fingers have expertly ha
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Light fills the room, coaxing me fr
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ollection, and my muscles contract
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His mouth is a hard line.“Okay, t
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“Yeah,” he challenges. “Got t
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“Whoa… Ana.” His eyes fly ope
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“Don’t move your hands, or we j
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“What do you mean he’s not alon
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“Anastasia, you could be wearing
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“Ros, what’s the issue?” he s
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my smile. He opens the door for me
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“Oh.” My brain has frozen, stun
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“Come.” Taking my hand in his,
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“Tell me about Elliot the over-us
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The phone rings again. It’s Ellio
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3 The Dominant and the Submissive a
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15.6 In training and in the adminis
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Sleep:The Submissive will ensure sh
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How much pain does the submissive w
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“Yes,” I answer cautiously.“I
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Christian GreyCEO, Grey Enterprises
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To: Christian GreySir… I had a ve
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I type Submissive into Wikipedia.Ha
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I stop beside a large spruce and pu
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“I didn’t think you were famili
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I hear another clink of ice, and th
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“See, I knew you had a sense of h
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his car door, he smiles his breatht
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Dear Mr. GreyHere is my list of iss
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The following day, I call my mom wh
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mise of one’s integrity.AnaFrom:
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Kate and I concentrate on packing,
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“Impatient as ever, Miss Steele.
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clear. I have never taken drugs. In
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“You’re very verbose.”He smil
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“If you were my sub, you wouldn
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“Christian, I have to think about
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His email makes me weep more. I am
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could dream sex. Was it something I
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glimpse his tie. Holy shit… that
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I frown as he hands me my degree.
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The marquee is immense, and crowded
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I blush scarlet.“You look lovely,
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From: Christian GreySubject: Tonigh
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“Hi.” I feel unbearably shy whe
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I frown, trying to process his word
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My heart slams against my chest, an
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• Blindfolding• Gagging• Bond
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Oh my… where’s this going?He cl
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I obey immediately, and my breasts
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I admire my handiwork and him. He r
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won’t tell me. I cock my head to
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“Ugly, how?”“Oh you know, exp
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And he’s inside me, quickly filli
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“Oh, darling. I wish I could be w
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I hit send.From: Christian GreySubj
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is completely fucked up. Why is he
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Holy shit. Now we’re getting some
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The candle flame is too hot. It fli
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To: Christian GreyDear Mr. GreyYou
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From: Christian GreySubject: Stalke
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“Miss Steele?” the courier asks
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“Oh yes, of course. Come in, I’
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“I know. I’m sorry I didn’t r
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Ladies, Good luck in your new home,
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Provocateur or wherever he bought i
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Dr. Greene is tall, blond, and imma
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“Chicken caesar salad okay with y
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I turn immediately, no hesitation.
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ack into the now. I want to run my
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“You see most of your fear is in
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holding my head in place. Very slow
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Soft lips brush across my temple, l
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We glide around the dining table, o
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He smirks at me.“Ditto, baby,”
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“Yes, for internships at two publ
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quail at the thought. I haven’t s
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I hang on to his hips as I’m tipp
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His mouth drops open slightly in su
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“I don’t believe I deserve it M
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“Erm… I don’t think that’s
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“Well, if you’re really unlucky
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“Anastasia, you know where the ba
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“Come here.”I stand in front of
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He spanks me twice more, and then h
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I clamber out of bed feeling stiff,
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with ease, luxuriating in me, enjoy
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Christian is still nowhere to be se
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My flight is booked; my mother is i
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“You and boho chic.” She cocks
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From: Christian GreySubject: My day
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From: Christian GreySubject: Even T
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Date: May 30 2011 21:59To: Anastasi
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You see - I have no idea if you’r
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“Aw, Bob, I’m just pleased to s
Page 278 and 279: Subject: Finally!Date: May 31 2011
Page 280 and 281: “Has he emailed you?”Oh double
Page 282 and 283: From: Christian GreySubject: Your b
Page 284 and 285: Later when I’m in the shower, coo
Page 286 and 287: Have you been playing with the thes
Page 288 and 289: “I just needed some distance from
Page 290 and 291: I glance nervously around the bar b
Page 292 and 293: “Well, I was going to pay you a v
Page 294 and 295: No… no… he can’t leave me han
Page 296 and 297: “I wouldn’t dare.” He shakes
Page 298 and 299: “Oh yes… please,” I breathe.H
Page 300 and 301: “She loved me in a way I found…
Page 302 and 303: I sigh, resigned.“What do you wan
Page 304 and 305: “Ana, baby!” he cries, and it
Page 306 and 307: I raise an eyebrow and stifle a yaw
Page 308 and 309: No. Please. My eyes flicker unwilli
Page 310 and 311: As we leave the room, Christian thr
Page 312 and 313: Christian blinks startled, then vis
Page 314 and 315: “You want me to put my hair up?
Page 316 and 317: “Good girl.” Christian sounds d
Page 318 and 319: unwelcome into my consciousness bec
Page 320 and 321: I nod.“Wow.”She’s speechless
Page 322 and 323: tell him that, and I’m sure he’
Page 324 and 325: Subject: SorryDate: June 2 2011 19:
Page 326 and 327: Are you growling at me Miss Steele?
Page 330 and 331: for now.Miss SteeleFrom: Christian
Page 332 and 333: Twenty-five minutes, later he drops
Page 334 and 335: to one side. He begins to undo the
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Page 338 and 339: Okay. A musical interlude, not what
Page 340 and 341: me… pulling at my nipples, it’s
Page 342 and 343: His hands pause their ministrations
Page 344 and 345: I can tell he’s pre-occupied with
Page 346 and 347: He gazes at me for a moment, with a
Page 348 and 349: “Miss Steele, what do you mean?
Page 350 and 351: Abruptly, he clasps my arm in a fir
Page 352 and 353: Follow your heart, darling, and ple
Page 354 and 355: to give it to him. Quickly, I rip a
Page 356: my Fifty Shades into the light, but
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