fifty-shades-of-grey

I sigh, resigned.“What do you want to know?”“Well, how you feel about our would-be arrangement, for starters.”I blink at him. Truth or dare time – my subconscious and inner goddess glance nervouslyat one another. Hell, let’s go for truth.“I don’t think I can do it for an extended period of time. A whole weekend being someoneI’m not.” I flush and stare at my hands.He tips my chin up, and he’s smirking at me, amused.“No, I don’t think you could either.”And part of me feels slightly affronted and challenged.“Are you laughing at me?”“Yes, but in a good way,” he says with a small smile.He leans down and kisses me softly, briefly.“You’re not a great submissive,” he breathes as he holds my chin, his eyes dancingwith humor.I stare at him shocked, then I burst out laughing – and he joins me.“Maybe I don’t have a good teacher.”He snorts.“Maybe. Perhaps I should be stricter with you.” He cocks his head to one side andgives me an artful smile.I swallow. Jeez, no. But at the same time, my muscles clench deliciously deep inside.It is his way of showing that he cares. Perhaps the only way he can show he cares – I realizethat. He’s staring at me, gauging my reaction.“Was it that bad when I spanked you the first time?”I gaze back at him, blinking. Was it that bad? I remember feeling confused by myreaction. It hurt, but not that much in retrospect. He’s said over and over again it’s morein my head. And the second time… Well, that was good… hot.“No, not really,” I whisper.“It’s more the idea of it?” he prompts.“I suppose. Feeling pleasure, when one isn’t supposed to.”“I remember feeling the same. Takes a while to get your head around it.”Holy hell. This was when he was a kid.“You can always safe-word, Anastasia. Don’t forget that. And, as long as you followthe rules, which fulfill a deep need in me for control and to keep you safe, then perhaps wecan find a way forward.”“Why do you need to control me?”“Because it satisfies a need in me that wasn’t met in my formative years.”“So it’s a form of therapy?”“I’ve not thought of it like that, but yes, I suppose it is.”This I can understand. This will help.“But, here’s the thing – one moment you say don’t defy me, the next you say you liketo be challenged. That’s a very fine line to tread successfully.”He gazes at me for a moment, then frowns.“I can see that. But you seem to be doing fine so far.”