fifty-shades-of-grey

“It requires control and concentration… how could I not love it? Though, my favoriteis soaring.”“Soaring?”“Yes. Gliding to the layperson. Gliders and helicopters – I fly them both.”“Oh.” Expensive hobbies. I remember him telling me during the interview. I like readingand occasionally going to the movies. I am out of my depth here.“Charlie Tango come in please, over.” The disembodied voice of air traffic controlinterrupts my reverie. Christian answers, sounding in control and confident.Seattle is getting closer. We are on the very outskirts now. Wow! It looks absolutelystunning. Seattle at night, from the sky…“Looks good, doesn’t it?” Christian murmurs.I nod enthusiastically. It looks otherworldly – unreal – and I feel like I’m on a giantfilm set, José’s favorite film maybe, ‘Bladerunner.’ The memory of José’s attempted kisshaunts me. I’m beginning to feel a bit cruel not calling him back. He can wait until tomorrow…surely.“We’ll be there in a few minutes,” Christian mutters, and suddenly my blood is poundingin my ears as my heartbeat accelerates and adrenaline spikes through my system. Hestarts talking to air traffic control again, but I am no longer listening. Oh my… I think I’mgoing to faint. My fate is in his hands.We are now flying amongst the buildings, and up ahead I can see a tall skyscraper witha helipad on top. The word Escala is painted in white on top of the building. It’s gettingnearer and nearer, bigger and bigger… like my anxiety. God, I hope I don’t let him down.He’ll find me lacking in some way. I wish I’d listened to Kate and borrowed one of herdresses, but I like my black jeans, and I’m wearing a soft mint green shirt and Kate’s blackjacket. I look smart enough. I grip the edge of my seat tighter and tighter. I can do this. Ican do this. I chant this mantra as the skyscraper looms below us.The helicopter slows and hovers, and Christian sets it down on the helipad on top of thebuilding. My heart is in my mouth. I can’t decide if it’s from nervous anticipation, reliefthat we’ve arrived alive, or fear that I will fail in some way. He switches the ignition offand the rotor blades slow and quiet until all I hear is the sound of my own erratic breathing.Christian takes his headphones off, and reaches across and pulls mine off too.“We’re here,” he says softly.His look is so intense, half in shadow and half in the bright white light from the landinglights. Dark knight and white knight, it’s a fitting metaphor for Christian. He looksstrained. His jaw is clenched and his eyes are tight. He unfastens his seatbelt and reachesover to unbuckle mine. His face is inches from mine.“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. You know that don’t you?” Histone is so earnest, desperate even, his gray eyes impassioned. He takes me by surprise.“I’d never do anything I didn’t want to do, Christian.” And as I say the words, I don’tquite feel their conviction because at this moment in time – I’d probably do anything forthis man seated beside me. But this does the trick. He’s mollified.He eyes me warily for a moment and somehow, even though he’s so tall, he managesto ease his way gracefully to the door of the helicopter and open it. He jumps out, waitingfor me to follow, and takes my hand as I clamber down on to the helipad. It’s very windy