fifty-shades-of-grey

There is light everywhere. Bright, warm, piercing light, and I endeavor to keep it at bayfor a few more precious minutes. I want to hide, just a few more minutes. But the glare istoo strong, and I finally succumb to wakefulness. A glorious Seattle morning greets me –sunshine pouring through the full-height windows and flooding the room with too-brightlight. Why didn’t we close the blinds last night? I am in Christian Grey’s vast bed minusone Christian Grey.I lie back for a moment staring through the windows at the lofty vista of Seattle’sskyline. Life in the clouds sure feels unreal. A fantasy – a castle in the air, adrift from theground, safe from the realities of life – far away from neglect, hunger, and crack-whoremothers. I shudder to think what he went through as a small child, and I understand why helives here, isolated, surrounded by beautiful, precious works of art – so far removed fromwhere he started… mission statement indeed. I frown because it still doesn’t explain whyI can’t touch him.Ironically, I feel the same up here in his lofty tower. I’m adrift from reality. I’m in thisfantasy apartment, having fantasy sex with my fantasy boyfriend. When the grim realityis he wants a special arrangement, though he’s said he’ll try more. What does that actuallymean? This is what I need to clarify between us to see if we are still at opposite ends onthe see-saw or if we are inching closer together.