fifty-shades-of-grey

could dream sex. Was it something I ate? Perhaps the oysters and my Internet researchmanifesting itself in my first wet dream. It’s bewildering. I had no idea that I could orgasmin my sleep.Kate is skipping around the kitchen when I stagger in.“Ana, are you okay? You look odd. Is that Christian’s jacket you’re wearing?”“I’m fine.” Damn, should have checked in the mirror. I avoid her piercing green eyes.I’m still reeling from my morning’s event. “Yes, this is Christian’s jacket.”She frowns.“Did you sleep?”“Not very well.”I head for the kettle. I need tea.“How was dinner?”So it begins.“We had oysters. Followed by cod, so I’d say it was fishy.”“Ugh… I hate oysters, and I don’t want to know about the food. How was Christian?What did you talk about?”“He was attentive,” I pause.What can I say? His HIV status is clear, he’s heavily into role-play, wants me to obeyhis every command, he hurt someone he tied to his bedroom ceiling, and he wanted tofuck me in the private dining room. Would that be a good summary? I try desperately toremember something from my encounter with Christian that I can discuss with Kate.“He doesn’t approve of Wanda.”“Who does, Ana? That’s old news. Why are you being so coy? Give it up, girlfriend.”“Oh, Kate, we talked about lots things. You know – how fussy he is about food. Incidentally,he liked your dress.” The kettle has boiled, so I make myself some tea. “Do youwant tea? Would you like me to hear your speech for today?”“Yes, please. I worked on it last night over at Lilah’s. I’ll go fetch it. And yes, I’d lovesome tea.” Kate races out of the kitchen.Phew, Katherine Kavanagh sidetracked. I slice a bagel and pop it into the toaster. Iflush remembering my very vivid dream. What on earth was that about?Last night I found it hard to sleep. My head was buzzing with various options. I amso confused. Christian’s idea of a relationship is more like a job offer. It has set hours, ajob description, and a rather harsh grievance procedure. It’s not how I envisaged my firstromance – but, of course, Christian doesn’t do romance. If I tell him I want more, he maysay no… and I could jeopardize what he has offered. And this is what concerns me most,because I don’t want to lose him. But I’m not sure I have the stomach to be his submissive– deep down, it’s the canes and whips that put me off. I’m a physical coward, and I will goa long way to avoid pain. I think of my dream… is that what it would be like? My innergoddess jumps up and down with cheerleading pom-poms shouting yes at me.Kate comes back into the kitchen with her laptop. I concentrate on my bagel and listenpatiently as she runs through her Valedictorian speech.