fifty-shades-of-grey

My scalp prickles. Did she have the best of him? Before he became so closed? Ordid she bring him out of himself? He has such a fun, playful side. I smile involuntarily asI recall being in his arms as he spun me around his living room, so unexpected, and he hasmy panties, somewhere.And then there’s the Red Room of Pain. I rub my wrists reflexively – thin strips ofplastic will do that to a girl. She taught him all that too or ruined him, depending on one’spoint of view. Or perhaps he would have found his way there anyway in spite of Mrs. R.I realize, in that moment, that I hate her. I hope that I never meet her because I will not beresponsible for my actions if I do. I can’t remember ever feeling this passionately aboutanyone, especially someone I’ve never met. Gazing unseeing out of the window, I nursemy irrational anger and jealousy.My mind drifts back to the afternoon. Given what I understand of his preferences, Ithink he’s been easy on me. Would I do it again? I can’t even pretend to put up an argumentagainst that. Of course I would, if he asked me – as long as he didn’t hurt me and ifit’s the only way to be with him.That’s the bottom line. I want to be with him. My inner goddess sighs with relief. Ireach the conclusion that she rarely uses her brain to think but another vital part of heranatomy, and at the moment, it’s a rather exposed part.“Don’t,” he murmurs.I frown and turn to look at him.“Don’t what?” I haven’t touched him.“Over-think things, Anastasia.” Reaching out, he grasps my hand, draws it up to hislips, and kisses my knuckles gently. “I had a wonderful afternoon. Thank you.”And he’s back with me again. I blink up at him and smile shyly. He’s so confusing. Iask a question that’s been bugging me.“Why did you use a cable tie?”He grins at me.“It’s quick, it’s easy, and it’s something different for you to feel and experience. I knowthey’re quite brutal, and I do like that in a restraining device.” He smiles at me mildly.“Very effective at keeping you in your place.”I flush and glance nervously at Taylor, who remains impassive, eyes on road. What amI supposed to say to that? Christian shrugs innocently.“All part of my world, Anastasia.” He squeezes my hand and lets go, staring out of thewindow again.His world indeed, and I want to belong in it, but on his terms? I just don’t know. Hehasn’t mentioned that damned contract. My inner musings do nothing to cheer me. I stareout of the window and the landscape has changed. We’re crossing one of the bridges, surroundedby inky darkness. The somber night reflects my introspective mood, closing in,suffocating.I glance briefly at Christian, and he’s staring at me.“Penny for your thoughts?” he asks.I sigh and frown.“That bad, huh?”“I wish I knew what you were thinking.”