Rich People Problems-Kwan 2017 (WWT)

headphones off! Don’t you dare wear them into the church!”
“What difference does it make? No one will be able to see me under this thing. Can’t I
just listen to Shawn Mendes while I’m in the church? I promise you his songs will make
me cry buckets like you want me to.”
“No Shawn Mendez! And no Mario Lopez, Rosie Perez, or Lola Montez either! Kids, you
are all going to sit in the church with ramrod-straight posture, singing all the hymns and
crying pitifully. Cry as if I’ve cut off your allowance!”
“That’s really going to work, Dad. Boo hoo hoo, what am I going to do without my
twenty dollars this week?” Constantine said sarcastically.
“Okay, you’ve just lost your allowance for the rest of the year! And if I don’t see you
crying until your eyes bleed, especially while I’m singing my song—”
“Eddie, ENOUGH! What is the point of trying to force the kids to cry when they don’t
wish to cry?” Fiona snapped.
“How many times do I have to tell you…we need to be the chief mourners at this
funeral. We need to show everyone how much we care, because all eyes will be on us!
Everyone knows that we are going to be benefiting the most!”
“And how would they know that?”
“Fiona, have you been in dreamland all week? Ah Ma died before she could make any
changes to her will! We’re going to be the ones getting the lion’s share! In a few days,
we’re going to become bona fide members of the three-comma club! *1 So we have to
really go all out to display our grief!”
Fiona shook her head in disgust. At this moment, her husband truly made her feel like
crying.
···
“Lorena, Lorena, over here! I choped *2 this seat for you!” Daisy shouted, waving from her
strategically chosen aisle seat.
Lorena made a beeline for Daisy and saw the packet of tissues she had placed next to
her on the wooden pew. “Thanks for saving me this seat! I thought I was going to have to
sit with my in-laws. Is Q.T. still parking?”
“Aiyah, you know my husband doesn’t do funerals. Just the sight of a coffin will give
him diarrhea.” Just then, there was a loud buzzing from Daisy’s handbag. “Wait ah, I’m
going to take out my iPad. Nadine wanted me to FaceTime her from the funeral. She’s
beside herself that she didn’t get invited.”
“What? Ronnie and her didn’t get invitations?”
“No, Old Man Shaw got the invitation, and of course he brought the new wife. They are
two rows in front of us.”
Lorena craned her neck to look at Nadine’s father-in-law, the eighty-five-year-old
stroke survivor Sir Ronald Shaw and his brand-new twenty-nine-year-old wife from
Shenzhen. “I must say she’s very pretty, but I’m still surprised that Sir Ronald isn’t, you