Rich People Problems-Kwan 2017 (WWT)

“Well, since Colette was on the cover this month, we felt like a little, ahem, diplomacy
was in order. Of course we couldn’t put Kitty’s story in the same issue. I mean, she is her
stepmother. We wouldn’t want to offend either of them. But you know I adore Kitty’s
cover! Those Nigel pictures are just beyond! We’re going to save it for later in the year.
It’ll actually be much better in the fall, don’t you think? Wouldn’t it be a fabulous cover
for the September issue?”
Oliver went silent for a moment, trying to figure out how he was going to explain all
this to Kitty.
“I hope Kitty won’t be upset about this? We will give her the star treatment, I promise.
We’ll throw a cover launch party at some boutique.”
“Upset? Violet, I don’t think you have any clue what you’ve done. You’ve just started
World War III.”
“Oh dear…”
“I have to go. I need to see if I can disarm the nuclear warhead now.”
Oliver hung up with Violet, took a deep breath, and called Kitty’s number. He found her
eerily composed when he explained the whole situation to her. “I actually think this is
going to be much better for you, Kitty. Landing a fall cover is more prestigious. Think of
the September issue of Vogue. That’s always the biggest issue of the year. You’ll get so
much more exposure. Far less people will see the March issue of Tattle, and to be honest,
it’s a ghastly cover. Look at that mother orangutan and her saggy brown nipples.”
“Did you read the article?” Kitty said quietly.
“I did.”
“So you know that Colette is moving to Singapore with her husband. The royal couple!”
“Kitty, they aren’t royal.”
“Oh yeah? So tell me why they were getting the royal treatment at your great-aunt’s
funeral? Don’t try to deny it, I saw the pictures of Colette with the Dowager Sultana of
Perawak on the official royal Instagram! You lied to me! You promised me she wouldn’t
be there!”
“Kitty, I had no clue that her husband’s family knew my great-uncle Alfred’s family.
This isn’t some conspiracy.”
“It’s not? Then why does it feel like she’s doing everything she can to outshine me? She
gets invited to the funeral of the century, she steals my Tattle cover, and now she’s
throwing this big charity ball in Singapore to raise money for her damn monkeys!”
“Those orangutans need all the help they can get, Kitty.”
“That’s not the point. Colette is hosting this huge ball so that all of Singapore society
can come out and curtsy at her feet, like she’s the Queen of fucking Sheba! You know
she’s doing all this as revenge, don’t you? She’s just trying to insult me over and over
again!”
Oliver sighed in exasperation. “Kitty, don’t you think you’re blowing this out of
proportion? You haven’t even met Colette. You have no idea what’s going through her