Rich People Problems-Kwan 2017 (WWT)

6. Does this OAWS or their family happen to own some fabulous
hotel/airline/spa resort/luxury brand/restaurant/bar/nightclub that I
could potentially benefit from? Add 25 points if family owns a private island,
500 points for a major movie studio.
7. How attractive and stylish is this OAWS in relation to me? Body-scan
assessment in this order:
For Ladies: face, skin whiteness, physique, jewelry, watch, handbag, shoes, outfit,
hairstyle, makeup. Subtract 50 points if any gauche brands are visible, or for an
obvious cosmetic procedure.
For Gentlemen: hair density, watch, shoes, physique, rest of outfit. Subtract 100
points if wearing an Hermès “H” buckle belt, which only looks good on French or
Italian men with deep tans and/or titles.
8. How attractive, well-dressed, important, or famous are the white people
that this OAWS is with? Subtract 20 points if it’s a business occasion with
Americans in corporate attire, add 25 points if European, add 50 points if French or
Italian with deep tans and/or titles.
9. How many bodyguards in this OAWS security detail? Evaluate intimidation
level of bodyguards, factoring in muscle mass, uniforms, any visible weaponry,
quality of earpieces, type of sunglasses, and how noticeable they are in the current
space. The more they look like trigger-happy brick shithouses ready to unleash their
Sig Sauers on the dinner crowd at Nobu Malibu, the better.
10. When was this OAWS or their family last profiled in their local edition of
Tattle, Pinnacle, or Town & Country? Add 100 points if they’ve never appeared
in any magazines but you still recognize them.
At this point in her life, Wandi’s social-placement test was so finely calibrated, it could
evaluate a new Asian face in a matter of nanoseconds, thus determining to what degree
Wandi felt prettier, richer, or more important than this OAWS, and what appropriate
overture she felt comfortable making—whether it be stealth eye contact, a nod of
recognition, the slight smile, or actually greeting the person in close physical proximity.
Of course at the present moment the OAWS in question only appeared in a rectangular
two-by-three-inch photograph, but it was so highly unusual for an Asian face to appear in
this setting—an English country wedding worthy of being featured in the Spectator
section of British Tattle—that Wandi couldn’t help but take notice. The text block in the
middle of the page simply read:
WINTER WEDDING WONDERLAND
The unexpected snowfall didn’t deter England’s grandest from dusting off their furs and braving the icy