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RUSSIAN DENVER Colorado Russian Newspaper published in English 720-436-7613 www.gorizont.com/rd The Secret to Dating a Busy Partner Your partner’s full schedule doesn’t mean they don’t love you. Keep the romance flowing with understanding. Here’s the secret to dating a busy partner. People often have this notion that what makes relationships thrive is always spending time together. Every day we see lovestruck duos on social media who travel, eat, and go on exotic adventures hand in hand. They’re all beautiful, but unfortunately, many couples today live miles apart and cannot share in similar activities. Another common obstacle to picture-perfect moments such as these is time itself. Millennials in particular, thrive on full schedules. They chase careers, build businesses, and transfer to new locations on a whim. If you’re one of those people in a relationship with a perpetually busy person, it’s natural to feel left out. These emotions are totally normal, particularly for individuals who crave a lot of togetherness and physical intimacy. So what do you do when your partner asks for a night with the boys? Or what if she cancels your dinner date because of an unscheduled board meeting? The first thing you need to remember is to NOT let your time go to waste–use it wisely by living the full life you want, too! Here are several suggestions. Meet-up with friends. When we first get into a relationship (especially during the “honeymoon phase”), we often forget to hang-out with old friends. They might be understanding of our situation, but at some point, we need to include them back in our lives to retain their trust. So if your lover goes on an unscheduled overtime, call up a friend and catch up on old times. Invite them over for tea or simply chat them up online. Again: it’s perfectly normal to feel disappointed at first because you were expecting them to be by your side. Just don’t forget there are other people in your life who are just as important. Go out and move. Sometimes, the answer is as simple as going out the door. Angry because your weekend camping trip is cancelled because of a board meeting? Was she late for your Friday Netflix movie marathon? Walk it off. According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA), even just five minutes of physical activity is enough to release endorphins in our body. These chemicals are natural painkillers that reduce stress and improve sleep. Take a quick jog around the park or walk briskly towards a nearby coffee shop. You’ll get your daily dose of healthy exercise, plus you’ll feel better, too! Get back into a hobby or develop one. I am in one of those relationships that presents double the challenge: not only is my partner away from me, but we’re both super busy most of the time. Believe it or not, what keeps us close are our individual hobbies (he’s into keeping aquariums and I love baking). Doing stuff that you enjoy– whether or not it’s the same with your partner’s–is a great way to ease off feelings of being burned out, and keeps us productive. Sometimes, we’re just overwhelmed with everything in our lives (yes, including our relationships). Our hobbies act as a healthy way to recover from that, while providing awesome topics to talk about. Keep a journal or blog. My career usually requires me to work longer hours. My boyfriend often comes home early and waits for me until I can call. During this time, he likes to write his novel and then later tells me his progress. Of course, you don’t need to resort to writing full-length pieces, but a simple journal or online blog should keep you busy while you wait for your partner. Write down your thoughts, fears, date ideas, experiences, and dreams. If you want, you could even share them with the world so that other people could learn from you! Speaking of date ideas… Plan exciting dates. That’s right. While your significant other is busy, use this as the best opportunity to prepare surprise date ideas. Go ahead and scroll through Pinterest without fear (because they won’t be looking!). If a birthday or an anniversary is on its way, use this time to plan ahead. Create a list of things you want to do together but haven’t found the chance to do so. Then start making calls, booking rooms, or buying tickets. Once they’re back from their alone-time, they’ll be thrilled with your surprise! If you don’t keep yourself preoccupied, you’ll just end up feeling bad and sulking at home. Who wants that? Every person is different, but we each have our own levels of need for a little “me-time”. Learn to accept this and be patient in finding out what works for both of you. My boyfriend and I, for instance, are okay with set schedules so we have time for each Does Owning a Pet Make You a Better Date? 23 other as well as our hobbies. On Sunday mornings, I usually let him write his novel while I experiment with baking. But by the afternoon, we should be ready to spend time together on Skype. Every couple is unique: and the fun lies in discovery! Extend a Little Understanding There is no secret to lasting relationships. Sometimes, plans change. People change. You may feel frustrated now because your lover wasn’t so busy before. Or you’re probably wondering why she seems to be taking up too much time away from you. These are to be expected in relationships–especially long-term ones. However, if you’re really in love, you would understand. Clich? as it may sound, but this is when communication and an open mind becomes vital. Talk to them: what are their priorities now? Do they still intend to include you in their future? What are their plans? If they love you just as much, they would be willing to compromise with you so the relationship remains stable. If they explain that they’re aiming for a better career or that they’ll be busy due to business, then be understanding. Think about it: if you were in their shoes, wouldn’t you want to be understood in the same way? Perhaps the best gift we could give someone, is the confidence that we’ll always be there for them–no matter what they choose. By: Lisa Kaplan Gordon When I was dating Greg, meeting the pets was a big step in our courtship. I had two cats, Fonzie and Blaze, and he had a 5-year-old cocker spaniel, Sable. Greg met the cats when he picked me up for our first date, and they got along fine, even though he wasn’t a cat person. But when he took me home to meet his dog three dates later, things didn’t go as smoothly. I knew how much Sable meant to Greg–he won custody during his divorce–and I wanted to like the dog and have her like me. But when I offered to take Sable for a walk as Greg made dinner–I like guys who cook–the pooch wasn’t so sure. As soon as we walked down the steps, she started glancing backwards, wondering if her dad would be coming, too. When we were halfway down the block, Sable realized she was walking with a stranger and reversed course. No amount of coaxing and cooing could stem her panic. So, we returned home about 5 minutes after we started. “What happened?” asked Greg, anxious that this new woman, whom he liked, was not hitting it off with this dog, whom he loved. “She wants her Dad,” I said, trying not to show how freaked out I was at this unsuccessful first dog date. My concern, it turns out, was well-founded. Researchers say that pets, increasingly considered family members, are becoming relationship barometers. A recent study published in Anthrozoos journal showed that women, more than men, pay attention to the way a date interacts with her pet. “Women seemed to rely upon cues of how a partner interacted with a pet more than did men in determining whether or not the prospective partner was worth dating or considering for a longer-term relationship,”? the study found. Here are more conclusions of the pet-dating study conducted 4 Scientifically Proven Tips to Improve Your Happiness by lead researcher Peter B. Gray of the University of Nevada. · Dogs are better than cats for assessing a date’s caregiving abilities. · Men, more than women, use a pet to attract a potential date. · Women, more than men, are attracted to someone because they have a pet. · Both men and women in equal numbers have used a pet as an excuse to leave a bad date early. By the time Greg proposed, Sable and I had became good pals–and the cats tolerated their new dog sibling as well. By: Jordyn Cormier Everyone wants to be happy in their lives, but it isn’t always easy. If you’re looking for some foolproof ways to improve your life, here are 4 scientific tips on how to boost happiness, starting in your brain. Experience gratitude. Studies have shown time and time again that expressing gratitude and humility for the good qualities in your life can make you happier on a chemical level. Gratitude stimulates the brain to create dopamine and feel-good neurotransmitter, serotonin. Express your emotions. Whether it’s through verbal language, writing or some other form of art, expressing what your innermost feelings are can have an instant effect on your life outlook. Often, our deepest emotions can get blurred while they’re still whirling around in our minds. Expressing your emotions allows you to put everything into perspective. Give up perfection. While worrying about your problems can seem productive– at least it’s on your mind, right?– it gets you nowhere in the long run. Instead of struggling and stressing over making the best decision possible, you are far better off making any decision rather than worrying over it. Making a decision moves you forwardAn active decision also increases dopamine production, meaning it actually makes you happier, regardless of what you have decided. Enjoy human touch. Human contact is a powerful force in the body. It can boost the immune system, increase trust, improve learning and– you guessed it– boost your happiness and wellbeing. Human touch like a hug releases oxytocin in the brain, which actually works to facilitate intimacy and social bonding. Feeling like you have a network of trustworthy people around you can do wonders to improve your happiness. Go for long hugs, if appropriate. Being happy starts in the brain. By being true to yourself and others, you can live a happier life, accompanied by other great side effects– like stronger social connections, stronger feelings of self-worth and a more positive outlook on life.
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