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Saving Fish from Drowning - Heal Burma

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AMY TAN<br />

ror, he swallowed as well. They looked like prisoners on a chain<br />

gang, he thought. I should tell them we are in the same boat and<br />

should join forces. He walked closer and then caught himself. What<br />

was he doing? This is TV, you dope, it isn’t real. His glazed eyes re­<br />

turned to the screen, and a minute later, his logic flipped once again,<br />

so that he was operating under the reasoning of dreams. It’s a reality<br />

show, he told himself, and that means it is real. The people are real,<br />

the boats are real, the holes are real. The only thing that separates<br />

their reality <strong>from</strong> mine is a piece of glass. If I can just get them to see<br />

past the screen....He threw his arms in the air, and this sudden ac­<br />

tion was enough to jolt him out of the delusion. Stop thinking crazy,<br />

he chastised himself. But like a person pulled irresistibly toward<br />

sleep, he gradually fell back into this semi-dream state. He sent a<br />

message with the power of his mind. Look at me, please. God damn<br />

it, look at me! I’m stuck in the jungle, too. Look at me!<br />

I knew how he felt. Since my death, I have been overwhelmed with<br />

a frustration that alternates with despair. Imagine it: your con­<br />

sciousness separated <strong>from</strong> others by an invisible barrier that was<br />

erected in the blink of an eye. And now the eye no longer blinks. It<br />

never will again.<br />

In Bennie’s porous mind, he was now advising the teams: Tear up<br />

your clothes, mix them with mud to make a ball—no, no, not the<br />

coconut hair, forget that, and don’t pick up the thatch, it’s not going<br />

to bunch up tight enough. You idiots! I’m the leader! You’re sup­<br />

posed to listen to me.... His disobedient team had just put their<br />

boat into the water, when a news crawl floated along the bottom of<br />

the screen: “Special report: More on the mystery of the eleven miss­<br />

ing tourists in Myanmar.”<br />

Bennie was amazed that other tourists were in their same predica­<br />

ment. The only difference: eleven instead of twelve. Wait a second.<br />

We are only eleven. He blinked hard to push out the brain skitter.<br />

Was it merely wishful thinking? A hallucinatory manifestation? He<br />

370

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