happiful september 2021

elationships
Perhaps you’re dealing with
a painful or difficult issue and
you’re not comfortable sharing
that information with anyone
yet. “Whether or not you tell
your partner is entirely your
decision,” says Bernadette. “But,
it may be worth exploring this
with a therapist.”
Despite any worries you have
about telling your partner you
need help, there is a lot that you
could gain from talking to them.
Bernadette says it’s important
to think about how you could
benefit from opening up. “Ask
yourself ‘What is motivating
me to tell them?’, then list some
of the things you could gain by
telling them.”
For example:
• They may acknowledge
my unhappiness.
• They may be supportive/
empathetic.
• They may respect my courage.
• They may listen.
• They may offer practical help.
Remember, if you’re dating
someone seriously and you want
the relationship to progress, you
need to have hard conversations
sometimes – including letting
them know when you’re
struggling.
How do I start
the conversation?
If you’re concerned about telling
your partner that you want to
seek help for your mental health,
then remember, you don’t have
to do anything until you are
ready. Don’t put yourself under
any pressure, as this could
prevent you from accessing the
support you need.
But, when you do feel
ready, create a comfortable
environment to have that
conversation in – at a quiet
time, without distractions, when
you’re both feeling relaxed.
It’s perfectly
normal to get
upset and to feel
vulnerable
Prepare what you’d like to say
You may be feeling nervous
or emotional, so having a few
points in mind can help you
to structure the conversation.
Unless your problems are very
serious, a short explanation
about how you’re feeling and the
type of support you want to get
will be fine.
It’s perfectly normal to get upset
and to feel vulnerable. Just take
your time, and ask them to be
patient as you open up.
Say as much or as
little as you want to
If your partner wants more
information, they can ask, and
you can answer to whatever
degree you feel comfortable.
If this is the first time you’ve
discussed mental health with
your partner, it could open
a new world of conversation
between you. They may decide
to share details about their own
mental health experiences.
If your issues are deeper, a
longer discussion may need to
happen, but you don’t need to go
into this right away if you don’t
want to. You might feel more
comfortable disclosing this with
therapeutic assistance, such as
in a couple’s therapy session.
Ask for what you need
Perhaps you need practical
support. Could they help you
search for a suitable counsellor
online? Could they take you to
an appointment with your GP, or
your first therapy session?
Asking for help is a big step,
and you should do it on your
own terms. But, when you’re
ready, talking to your partner
could not only help you to
access the support you need, but
it could also help you to unlock
a whole new level of connection
within your relationship.
Bernadette Padfield is an integrative
psychotherapeutic counsellor and
a registered member of the BACP.
Find out more about Bernadette on
counselling-directory.org.uk
happiful.com | September 2021 | 27