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positive pointers<br />
“ All our self-worth and esteem<br />
should be sky-high, so that we ride the<br />
disappointments and the glories with ease ”<br />
opportunities. And sometimes<br />
it can be the simple joy of<br />
getting to celebrate something<br />
we’re proud of with others.<br />
Overcome worries<br />
about boasting<br />
So how can we approach taking<br />
this next step? One of the main<br />
worries I have about sharing<br />
successes is that it’ll seem like<br />
I’m showing off. “A much better<br />
way to think about receiving<br />
a compliment is that you are<br />
being honest, and it’s OK to<br />
acknowledge that you also<br />
thought you did a good job. It<br />
doesn’t mean it’s boastful, it’s<br />
confident,” says Denise. “This is<br />
resilience, and very necessary to<br />
lead a balanced life. As humans,<br />
we are supposed to be growing,<br />
doing our best, and recognising<br />
our strengths and weaknesses.”<br />
Many of us worry about<br />
seeming boastful and the need<br />
to be modest. But maybe we’re<br />
too focused on that concern,<br />
to the point where we devalue<br />
our successes. “We feel it’s<br />
‘bad’ to sound like we are<br />
boasting and being big-headed<br />
– particularly women. It’s<br />
conditioning,” Denise tells me.<br />
“All our self-worth and esteem<br />
should be sky-high, so that we<br />
ride the disappointments and<br />
the glories with ease.”<br />
Trying it out<br />
Denise recommends that we<br />
rehearse accepting a compliment<br />
or saying we did something well<br />
to ourselves. It may feel a little<br />
awkward practising this, but it’ll<br />
help it to become second nature.<br />
It also helps affirm this positive<br />
idea in our mind, making us<br />
more confident in the words<br />
we’re saying, so we really believe<br />
in them.<br />
I follow Denise’s advice and try<br />
talking through my successes<br />
to myself. Sure, it does feel<br />
a little strange, but there is<br />
also something nice about<br />
acknowledging these positives.<br />
Afterwards, I go out for dinner<br />
with friends. I’m nervous about<br />
sharing some recent good career<br />
news. The usual doubts niggle<br />
in my mind: “What if they think<br />
I’m boasting, or dominating the<br />
conversation? What if I’m not<br />
actually good enough?” But then<br />
I think about how important this<br />
news is to me, and how hard<br />
I’ve worked for it. I think about<br />
times these friends have told me<br />
their own good news, and how<br />
I’ve always felt happy for them<br />
and glad to be able to share in<br />
their successes. Maybe it’ll be<br />
the same for me?<br />
So I give it a go. I tell them<br />
my good news. I don’t add a<br />
caveat of, “But I also had lots of<br />
rejections!” I don’t apologise. I<br />
don’t do anything to diminish<br />
what I’m saying.<br />
And the result? Genuine smiles<br />
and congratulations. They ask<br />
me more about it, and I actually<br />
enjoy this opportunity to talk<br />
about my passion. I thank them<br />
for their compliments, and<br />
resist the usual urge to be overly<br />
modest. Afterwards, I like I’ve<br />
not just shared good news, but<br />
I’ve shared something of myself –<br />
something important to me with<br />
people that I care about. And it’s a<br />
wonderful feeling.<br />
Denise Bosque is a life coach,<br />
clinical hypnotherapist, master NLP<br />
practitioner, EMDR practitioner, and<br />
mindfulness teacher. Find out more by<br />
visiting lifecoach-directory.org.uk<br />
<strong>happiful</strong>.com | September <strong>2021</strong> | 83
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