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Th is fi eld guide begins by politely examining—and then shatt ering to pieces—traditional networking truisms. Commandments along the lines of: ■ Promote yourself constantly. ■ More contacts = higher probability of success. ■ Never eat alone. ■ Create non-stop touch points. ■ Get out there as much as possible. Until today (reality is subjective), networking books have been writt en for people of a particular temperament—the very personality style that is already predisposed to enjoy the prospect of spearing cheese in a room full of bustling strangers. We will discover early in the book that this personality type comprises a paltry 30 to 50 percent of the general population. I am certain this is an unintended oversight on the part of other, well-meaning authors. Nevertheless, smoke comes out of my ears just thinking about it. Th e other 50 to 70 percent of humankind are being ignored. Misled. Bamboozled. It is time for the rest of us to take back our rightful share of the networking world. And along the way we will discover the enormous value of understanding and leveraging our natural style when networking. No more stamping out our instincts. Why Bother? What’s that you’re mumbling? You don’t like networking and have no interest, anyway? It drains you? It never works? You don’t have time? You don’t need to? It’s phony, self-serving, fake, inauthentic, superfi - cial, conniving, manipulative, and useless? Hold it right there. Take a sip of water. Pull yourself together. THIS BOOK IS REQUIRED READING 3
Introverts, the overwhelmed, and the underconnected fail at traditional networking by following advice never intended for us in the fi rst place. In my experience, people who proclaim to hate networking also believe they are not good at it. In fact, the reverse is true. You have the raw materials to be a stellar networker. You are simply following the wrong rules. Standard networking advice fails you, so you assume you fail at networking. Plus you hate it. Now, at long last, you can learn a method of networking in keeping with the true you. Not a moment too soon. What Is at Stake? Only whatever you most want to accomplish in your life. No biggie. Networking allows you to achieve your potential. Th ink of a Big Goal. Perhaps you want to fi nd a new job, achieve a promotion, make a new professional or personal contact, improve the world, expand your infl uence, sell a product or service, write a book, seal a deal, improve collaboration, build a reputation, achieve your dream, or grow a business? Networking will further your aim. In fi ft een years as an executive coach, I have never met a person who did not benefi t tremendously from learning how to network—on his or her own terms. What is networking, really? Networking is the art of building and maintaining connections for shared positive outcomes. Real networking is connecting. Th e more authentic you are, the more resilient and valuable networks you create. You can learn networking techniques that rely on being true to yourself, using strengths you already have. You can learn to work with, rather than fi ght against, your lovable introverted, 4 NETWORKING FOR PEOPLE WHO HATE NETWORKING
Page 2 and 3: More Praise for Networking for Peop
Page 4: networking for people who hate netw
Page 7 and 8: Networking for People Who Hate Netw
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Page 11 and 12: viii CONTENTS Acknowledgments 157 A
Page 13: school as like trying to learn Lati
Page 19 and 20: Th ese people have no idea what it
Page 21 and 22: From a young age, introverts receiv
Page 23 and 24: Identical actions can spring from d
Page 25 and 26: TEMPERAMENT ASSESSMENT Each number
Page 27 and 28: Strength of Preference Let’s begi
Page 29 and 30: extrovert, but my results say I’m
Page 33 and 34: Labels such as shy and outgoing hav
Page 35 and 36: Quiet Shy Insecure Detached Awkward
Page 37 and 38: Guiding Principle Supporting Techni
Page 39 and 40: Introverted networking requires a d
Page 41 and 42: A FEW BENEFITS OF INTROVERSION ■
Page 43 and 44: Take Action! “Th e Other Half”
Page 45 and 46: PATTER Extroverts slide into networ
Page 47 and 48: HAZARDS OF EXTROVERSION ■ Poor fo
Page 49 and 50: Saber-Toothed Tigers and You You en
Page 51 and 52: CATASTROPHIC THINKING Notes From th
Page 53 and 54: 42 NETWORKING FOR PEOPLE WHO HATE N
Page 55 and 56: Event(s) My Perceptions and Negativ
Page 57 and 58: Tips are in order. 1. Th e brain ca
Page 59 and 60: If you consider yourself overwhelme
Page 61 and 62: Connecting versus Collecting Succes
Page 63 and 64: Understanding that I, as an introve
Page 65 and 66:
THE QUESTION OF QUESTIONS If you ar
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Joining groups, associations, and t
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Notes From the Field In the Spotlig
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Networking events are those special
Page 73 and 74:
efi ts of fashion versus the value
Page 75 and 76:
me to check for att endance of thos
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Pace Focus on others. To many, inte
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■ I’ve enjoyed our conversation
Page 81 and 82:
email. Or copy in the headline and
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privacy personally, do you? Conside
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Page 87 and 88:
Th e Platinum Rule Th e golden rule
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Assuming others will meet us where
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dashes over and gives Rachel an aff
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approximates the diff erence in eff
Page 95 and 96:
Folding your opposite arm on top is
Page 97 and 98:
WHAT YOU SEE AND WHAT YOU GET Perso
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I have good news and bad news, and
Page 101 and 102:
You are at your best when you’re
Page 103 and 104:
DOES NO MEAN NO? Perhaps your caref
Page 105 and 106:
is fond of announcing, “If you mu
Page 107 and 108:
1. Accept who you are. You already
Page 109 and 110:
Kind gestures set you apart in the
Page 111 and 112:
Th e natural progression from the s
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You’re on Candid Camera What a gr
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Are You Really Underconnected? Soci
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Super [as prefi x]: over and above;
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Th e fl ip side is the halo eff ect
Page 121 and 122:
scenario—you fi nd yourself on an
Page 123 and 124:
What accomplishments make you most
Page 125 and 126:
Notes From the Field Calibration In
Page 127 and 128:
Me I’m Interested Not Sure Th em
Page 129 and 130:
Pause Let’s talk about your next
Page 131 and 132:
conversation. I was not interested,
Page 133 and 134:
Process Business trips can be tough
Page 135 and 136:
GOOD E: Hey, you’re joining us to
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Without proper preparation, you wou
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“I started my own garden and aspi
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What if you behaved as if your beli
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Page 145 and 146:
Again and again I have seen the sur
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Next, invite people to call out ide
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others, and each place card is a mi
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An hour later, I surprise the group
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Everyone Well-Known Names Less-Reco
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Page 157 and 158:
Outcome Goals Of the many versions
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OUTCOME GOALS Outcome goals compris
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Take Action! “Outcome Goals” An
Page 163 and 164:
Page 165 and 166:
Don’t just follow advice. Follow
Page 167 and 168:
diff erence between the fi rst time
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About Only Connect Consulting, Inc.
Page 171 and 172:
Page 173 and 174:
assessment of preference, 14-19 beh
Page 175 and 176:
164 INDEX kinesthetic approach to n
Page 177 and 178:
promotion, at job, 97 public librar
Page 179 and 180:
Your Fearless Author A resident of
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Berrett-Koehler is an independent p
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