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HAZARDS OF INTROVERSION ■ Heightened need for privacy → extroverts can perceive relationships with introverts as one-way ■ Diffi culty handling interruptions → networking requires adapting to mercurial conversations ■ Drained by small talk → simple banter can wipe out an introvert’s energy reserve A Crash Course in Extroverts At fi rst glance, extroverts seem to be naturally adept networkers. When I teach courses on Networking for Extroverts and Introverts, the introverts respond with shock that any extrovert would ever voluntarily att end such a seminar. Don’t the extroverts have it all wrapped up? Yet voluntary enrollment hovers at fi ft y-fi ft y. Th e class divides by temperament, and we go from there. It turns out the extroverts have plenty to learn—from introverts!—about networking. What a shocker. Once we pass around the smelling salts to revive the faint of heart, we proceed. In these seminars, stereotypes are crushed. It turns out even extroverts have networking challenges. A solid chunk of the people you meet—and network with—are primary extroverts. So pull yourself together, put on your fi eld gear, pick up your pen, and (if you’re not an extrovert yourself) set out to understand this mysterious culture. THE DESTRUCTION OF STEREOTYPES 31
Take Action! “Th e Other Half” Let’s dispel the myth of the extrovert. Jot down your uncensored judgments and perceptions about extroverts: ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ Add additional reams of paper as needed. It’s good to get this off your chest. In some of my seminars, introverts and extroverts collaborate on a list of stereotypical perceptions of extroverts at work. Ready for this slam? Just the people with whom you want to hang out, right? Th is list provides examples of how extroverts can be perceived, yet none of the judgments are empirically true. As in “two is greater than one” true. 32 NETWORKING FOR PEOPLE WHO HATE NETWORKING ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ Noisy Brash Egocentric Loudmouth Show-off Confi dent Manipulative Excessive Self-promoter Inappropriate Talkative Attention grabber Intrusive Smoothie Schmoozer Gregarious Annoying In your face Clueless Superfi cial Shallow Fake Nosey Chatterbox Cliquey Self-engrossed Poor listener Selfi sh
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Page 11 and 12: viii CONTENTS Acknowledgments 157 A
Page 13 and 14: school as like trying to learn Lati
Page 15 and 16: Introverts, the overwhelmed, and th
Page 19 and 20: Th ese people have no idea what it
Page 21 and 22: From a young age, introverts receiv
Page 23 and 24: Identical actions can spring from d
Page 25 and 26: TEMPERAMENT ASSESSMENT Each number
Page 27 and 28: Strength of Preference Let’s begi
Page 29 and 30: extrovert, but my results say I’m
Page 33 and 34: Labels such as shy and outgoing hav
Page 35 and 36: Quiet Shy Insecure Detached Awkward
Page 37 and 38: Guiding Principle Supporting Techni
Page 39 and 40: Introverted networking requires a d
Page 41: A FEW BENEFITS OF INTROVERSION ■
Page 45 and 46: PATTER Extroverts slide into networ
Page 47 and 48: HAZARDS OF EXTROVERSION ■ Poor fo
Page 49 and 50: Saber-Toothed Tigers and You You en
Page 51 and 52: CATASTROPHIC THINKING Notes From th
Page 53 and 54: 42 NETWORKING FOR PEOPLE WHO HATE N
Page 55 and 56: Event(s) My Perceptions and Negativ
Page 57 and 58: Tips are in order. 1. Th e brain ca
Page 59 and 60: If you consider yourself overwhelme
Page 61 and 62: Connecting versus Collecting Succes
Page 63 and 64: Understanding that I, as an introve
Page 65 and 66: THE QUESTION OF QUESTIONS If you ar
Page 67 and 68: Joining groups, associations, and t
Page 69 and 70: Notes From the Field In the Spotlig
Page 71 and 72: Networking events are those special
Page 73 and 74: efi ts of fashion versus the value
Page 75 and 76: me to check for att endance of thos
Page 77 and 78: Pace Focus on others. To many, inte
Page 79 and 80: ■ I’ve enjoyed our conversation
Page 81 and 82: email. Or copy in the headline and
Page 83 and 84: privacy personally, do you? Conside
Page 87 and 88: Th e Platinum Rule Th e golden rule
Page 89 and 90: Assuming others will meet us where
Page 91 and 92: dashes over and gives Rachel an aff
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approximates the diff erence in eff
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Folding your opposite arm on top is
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WHAT YOU SEE AND WHAT YOU GET Perso
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I have good news and bad news, and
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You are at your best when you’re
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DOES NO MEAN NO? Perhaps your caref
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is fond of announcing, “If you mu
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1. Accept who you are. You already
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Kind gestures set you apart in the
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Th e natural progression from the s
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You’re on Candid Camera What a gr
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Are You Really Underconnected? Soci
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Super [as prefi x]: over and above;
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Th e fl ip side is the halo eff ect
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scenario—you fi nd yourself on an
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What accomplishments make you most
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Notes From the Field Calibration In
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Me I’m Interested Not Sure Th em
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Pause Let’s talk about your next
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conversation. I was not interested,
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Process Business trips can be tough
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GOOD E: Hey, you’re joining us to
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Without proper preparation, you wou
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“I started my own garden and aspi
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What if you behaved as if your beli
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Again and again I have seen the sur
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Next, invite people to call out ide
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others, and each place card is a mi
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An hour later, I surprise the group
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Everyone Well-Known Names Less-Reco
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Outcome Goals Of the many versions
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OUTCOME GOALS Outcome goals compris
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Take Action! “Outcome Goals” An
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Don’t just follow advice. Follow
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diff erence between the fi rst time
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About Only Connect Consulting, Inc.
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assessment of preference, 14-19 beh
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164 INDEX kinesthetic approach to n
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promotion, at job, 97 public librar
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Your Fearless Author A resident of
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Berrett-Koehler is an independent p
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