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Reverse-It Quiz CHAPTER TWO assess yourself We do not see the world as it is. We see the world as we are. —Anais Nin 1. Why do extroverts have voicemail? 2. Why do introverts have voicemail? Answer: 1. To never miss a call. 2. To never answer the phone. 11
Identical actions can spring from divergent motivations. Th is point reminds us there is more to behavior than meets the eye. I am oft en told the observation of action is proof of another’s motivation. Th is is never true. Inferences reveal only the observer’s bias. Th e reasons behind behaviors reveal intentions. MENTAL ELASTICITY Physical fl exibility requires pliable muscles. Maintaining and building dexterity necessitates an ongoing commitment. Mental fl exibility means having customized responses to people and events and also requires continual development. Mental agility requires the ability to adapt without much lead time. Conveniently, our pals the neuroscientists (always there when needed) have a name for this phenomenon: elasticity. Mental elasticity can be learned and developed. Th is term describes the ability to be fl exible in our approach to situations. Th inking in new ways builds elasticity. 12 NETWORKING FOR PEOPLE WHO HATE NETWORKING Notes From the Field Breakfast Selections While facilitating a residential seminar for senior executives, I explained that introverts generally prefer having breakfast reading a newspaper to socializing with classmates. Robert, an extrovert, challenged, “Th en why did David [an introvert] come sit with me this morning at breakfast?” I asked David to explain. He smiled and said, “I thought I should . . . Although I didn’t really want to sit with anyone—no off ense, Robert!—I told myself I am here to network, so I better force myself to sit with you.” Th e class burst into laughter at his honest reply. “So,” I continued, “why might an extrovert sit down next to a classmate he just met the day before?” Every extrovert’s hand shot up, but that didn’t matter, because two or three of them had begun answering without waiting for the formality of being called on, “We like talking to people. Who wants to eat alone?”
Page 2 and 3: More Praise for Networking for Peop
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Page 11 and 12: viii CONTENTS Acknowledgments 157 A
Page 13 and 14: school as like trying to learn Lati
Page 15 and 16: Introverts, the overwhelmed, and th
Page 19 and 20: Th ese people have no idea what it
Page 21: From a young age, introverts receiv
Page 25 and 26: TEMPERAMENT ASSESSMENT Each number
Page 27 and 28: Strength of Preference Let’s begi
Page 29 and 30: extrovert, but my results say I’m
Page 33 and 34: Labels such as shy and outgoing hav
Page 35 and 36: Quiet Shy Insecure Detached Awkward
Page 37 and 38: Guiding Principle Supporting Techni
Page 39 and 40: Introverted networking requires a d
Page 41 and 42: A FEW BENEFITS OF INTROVERSION ■
Page 43 and 44: Take Action! “Th e Other Half”
Page 45 and 46: PATTER Extroverts slide into networ
Page 47 and 48: HAZARDS OF EXTROVERSION ■ Poor fo
Page 49 and 50: Saber-Toothed Tigers and You You en
Page 51 and 52: CATASTROPHIC THINKING Notes From th
Page 53 and 54: 42 NETWORKING FOR PEOPLE WHO HATE N
Page 55 and 56: Event(s) My Perceptions and Negativ
Page 57 and 58: Tips are in order. 1. Th e brain ca
Page 59 and 60: If you consider yourself overwhelme
Page 61 and 62: Connecting versus Collecting Succes
Page 63 and 64: Understanding that I, as an introve
Page 65 and 66: THE QUESTION OF QUESTIONS If you ar
Page 67 and 68: Joining groups, associations, and t
Page 69 and 70: Notes From the Field In the Spotlig
Page 71 and 72: Networking events are those special
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efi ts of fashion versus the value
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me to check for att endance of thos
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Pace Focus on others. To many, inte
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■ I’ve enjoyed our conversation
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email. Or copy in the headline and
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privacy personally, do you? Conside
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Th e Platinum Rule Th e golden rule
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Assuming others will meet us where
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dashes over and gives Rachel an aff
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approximates the diff erence in eff
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Folding your opposite arm on top is
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WHAT YOU SEE AND WHAT YOU GET Perso
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I have good news and bad news, and
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You are at your best when you’re
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DOES NO MEAN NO? Perhaps your caref
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is fond of announcing, “If you mu
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1. Accept who you are. You already
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Kind gestures set you apart in the
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Th e natural progression from the s
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You’re on Candid Camera What a gr
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Are You Really Underconnected? Soci
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Super [as prefi x]: over and above;
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Th e fl ip side is the halo eff ect
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scenario—you fi nd yourself on an
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What accomplishments make you most
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Notes From the Field Calibration In
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Me I’m Interested Not Sure Th em
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Pause Let’s talk about your next
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conversation. I was not interested,
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Process Business trips can be tough
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GOOD E: Hey, you’re joining us to
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Without proper preparation, you wou
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“I started my own garden and aspi
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What if you behaved as if your beli
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Again and again I have seen the sur
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Next, invite people to call out ide
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others, and each place card is a mi
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An hour later, I surprise the group
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Everyone Well-Known Names Less-Reco
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Outcome Goals Of the many versions
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OUTCOME GOALS Outcome goals compris
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Take Action! “Outcome Goals” An
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Don’t just follow advice. Follow
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diff erence between the fi rst time
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About Only Connect Consulting, Inc.
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assessment of preference, 14-19 beh
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164 INDEX kinesthetic approach to n
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promotion, at job, 97 public librar
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Your Fearless Author A resident of
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Berrett-Koehler is an independent p
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