Index of

Assuming others will meet us where we are at is just not realistic.
Most people are simply not that skilled to be able to apply the platinum
rule well. Th at is why it is up to us. Yet do not despair! You do
not have to get it right completely or all the time. Plus the benefi ts are
boundless. Rapport soars and networks thrive. Th e eff ort pays off .
Th e platinum rule allows understanding to trump frustration.
Before I understood the vast divide between Introville and Extroland,
I reacted with annoyance to behaviors incongruent with my own
78 NETWORKING FOR PEOPLE WHO HATE NETWORKING
Notes From the Field
A World Apart
Two young men approached me during an executive development
seminar to discuss a “diffi cult, negative” colleague. Describing Anne,
they shook their heads slowly from side to side in sheer baffl ed exasperation.
Th eir description of her incorrigible behavior culminated
with this anecdote: “We have a birthday club so we can all celebrate
together, and she refuses to tell us her birthday. She says it is none of our business!”
Th ey paused for air, clearly expecting me to jump on the bandwagon. Instead, a
realization hit me. “Wait a minute. Is this the Anne in our class?” When they responded
in the affi rmative, I immediately understood the situation.
I recognized that Anne was a strong introvert. Among other behaviors, I had observed
her listening intently, alternating with mentally removing herself for internal processing.
In the course of our two days together I had found Anne quick-witted, delightfully
sincere, and notably supportive of teammates.
Th ese two well-intentioned extroverts could not fathom why someone would rebuff
an eff ort to join in on friendly group celebrations. Her refusal was jolting, interpreted as
diffi cult behavior. Th ey had stopped speaking to her altogether. Yet where Anne comes
from, one’s birthday is personal and private. Th e prospect of regular group celebrations
at work seemed tedious and superfi cial. And being approached by colleagues for what
she would defi ne as idle conversation was a waste of time, draining, and distracting.
I did not tell them all this. It is a lot to digest. Yet I did explain how diff erently people
can interpret events and exchanges. I recommended they neither ostracize Anne nor
bully her into “having fun” according to their conception. We discussed ways to rebuild
a collegial professional relationship that would work for all. Starting with a smile and nod
as they passed her desk and slowly growing from there.
Th e follow-up status reports I received were heartening.