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CHAPTER ONE welcome to your fi eld guide Trust yourself. Th en you will know how to live. —Johann Wolfgang von Goethe People swear up and down that I’m an extrovert. Th is drives me nuts! I deny these accusations adamantly and then am subjected to a laundry list of supposed examples as to why I am mistaken. “But you give seminars for a living! You give presentations to huge groups and seem to love it! Plus, you know how to work a room . . .” Blah, blah, blah. 7
Th ese people have no idea what it really means to be an introvert. Plus, they assume that being an introvert by defi nition implies that one cannot be a strong speaker or networker. Together, we will dispute, disprove, and knock upside the head these assumptions. Welcome to your indispensible networking fi eld guide for introverts, the overwhelmed, and the underconnected. Your Author and Tour Guide As we embark through the uncharted terrain of networking for people who hate networking, you want to be certain you are in capable hands. Why am I qualifi ed to lead you on this journey? First of all, despite protests from well-intentioned, ill-advised naysayers, I am an off -the-chart introvert. I am also nearly always overwhelmed and decidedly underconnected. My idea of a good time is being all alone. I have conversations with people in my head that I think actually took place. I need time to process ideas thoroughly before responding—or I get myself into trouble. Th e idea of a freefl oating happy hour propels me into free-fl oating anxiety. A cacophony of external stimuli doesn’t excite me; it drives me away. I easily and naturally pick up on nonverbal cues many others miss. I prefer a few deep relationships to a large group of friends. None of these preferences is linked to my exceptionally high energy level, propensity for public speaking, or business success. Th at’s because these att ributes are not related to what defi nes introversion, a topic I have researched and taught about extensively for over fi ft een years. I am Type A, and I move fast. Th ese traits are also not related to introversion. 8 NETWORKING FOR PEOPLE WHO HATE NETWORKING
Page 2 and 3: More Praise for Networking for Peop
Page 4: networking for people who hate netw
Page 7 and 8: Networking for People Who Hate Netw
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Page 11 and 12: viii CONTENTS Acknowledgments 157 A
Page 13 and 14: school as like trying to learn Lati
Page 15 and 16: Introverts, the overwhelmed, and th
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Page 21 and 22: From a young age, introverts receiv
Page 23 and 24: Identical actions can spring from d
Page 25 and 26: TEMPERAMENT ASSESSMENT Each number
Page 27 and 28: Strength of Preference Let’s begi
Page 29 and 30: extrovert, but my results say I’m
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Page 33 and 34: Labels such as shy and outgoing hav
Page 35 and 36: Quiet Shy Insecure Detached Awkward
Page 37 and 38: Guiding Principle Supporting Techni
Page 39 and 40: Introverted networking requires a d
Page 41 and 42: A FEW BENEFITS OF INTROVERSION ■
Page 43 and 44: Take Action! “Th e Other Half”
Page 45 and 46: PATTER Extroverts slide into networ
Page 47 and 48: HAZARDS OF EXTROVERSION ■ Poor fo
Page 49 and 50: Saber-Toothed Tigers and You You en
Page 51 and 52: CATASTROPHIC THINKING Notes From th
Page 53 and 54: 42 NETWORKING FOR PEOPLE WHO HATE N
Page 55 and 56: Event(s) My Perceptions and Negativ
Page 57 and 58: Tips are in order. 1. Th e brain ca
Page 59 and 60: If you consider yourself overwhelme
Page 61 and 62: Connecting versus Collecting Succes
Page 63 and 64: Understanding that I, as an introve
Page 65 and 66: THE QUESTION OF QUESTIONS If you ar
Page 67 and 68: Joining groups, associations, and t
Page 69 and 70:
Notes From the Field In the Spotlig
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Networking events are those special
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efi ts of fashion versus the value
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me to check for att endance of thos
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Pace Focus on others. To many, inte
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■ I’ve enjoyed our conversation
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email. Or copy in the headline and
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privacy personally, do you? Conside
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Th e Platinum Rule Th e golden rule
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Assuming others will meet us where
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dashes over and gives Rachel an aff
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approximates the diff erence in eff
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Folding your opposite arm on top is
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WHAT YOU SEE AND WHAT YOU GET Perso
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I have good news and bad news, and
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You are at your best when you’re
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DOES NO MEAN NO? Perhaps your caref
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is fond of announcing, “If you mu
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1. Accept who you are. You already
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Kind gestures set you apart in the
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Th e natural progression from the s
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You’re on Candid Camera What a gr
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Are You Really Underconnected? Soci
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Super [as prefi x]: over and above;
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Th e fl ip side is the halo eff ect
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scenario—you fi nd yourself on an
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What accomplishments make you most
Page 125 and 126:
Notes From the Field Calibration In
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Me I’m Interested Not Sure Th em
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Pause Let’s talk about your next
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conversation. I was not interested,
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Process Business trips can be tough
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GOOD E: Hey, you’re joining us to
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Without proper preparation, you wou
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“I started my own garden and aspi
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What if you behaved as if your beli
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Page 145 and 146:
Again and again I have seen the sur
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Next, invite people to call out ide
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others, and each place card is a mi
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An hour later, I surprise the group
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Everyone Well-Known Names Less-Reco
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Outcome Goals Of the many versions
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OUTCOME GOALS Outcome goals compris
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Take Action! “Outcome Goals” An
Page 163 and 164:
Page 165 and 166:
Don’t just follow advice. Follow
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diff erence between the fi rst time
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About Only Connect Consulting, Inc.
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assessment of preference, 14-19 beh
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164 INDEX kinesthetic approach to n
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promotion, at job, 97 public librar
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Your Fearless Author A resident of
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Berrett-Koehler is an independent p
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