Beyond Feelings

4. The woman should discuss
the situation fully with her
husband and encourage
him to examine his feelings
rationally.
5. Such an approach could
help the husband gain
greater insight into the
problem.
6. If for some reason this
approach does not produce
the effect the wife desires,
she should consider seeking
joint counseling, giving the
husband an opportunity to
change his viewpoint.
7. Regardless of the outcome
of the counseling, whether
the husband comes around
to the wife’s way of thinking
or not, the wife should
continue her relationship
with her homosexual
friend.
CHAPTER 18 Forming a Judgment
197
4. What does it mean for the wife
to discuss the matter with her
husband—to have her mind
made up in advance about his
feelings and thoughts, or to
ask him to explain them and
listen to his answer with the
expectation of learning
something?
5. Shouldn’t the wife be willing to
explore her behavior as honestly
as she expects her husband to
explore his feelings? Shouldn’t
she, too, be attempting to
achieve a new and deeper
understanding of the situation
than she presently has?
6. Is counseling likely to be more
successful if one partner begins
with the conviction that
he or she is entirely right and
the other person is wrong?
7. Is maintaining a friendship
necessarily more important
than saving a marriage? Is
more information than is provided
in the reader’s letter
needed before concluding that
the friendship in this case is
worth more than the marriage?
Wouldn’t it be helpful to
know how long the couple has
been married; whether they
have children, and, if so, what
ages; and whether their relationship
was harmonious
before this situation arose? (If
the husband cherished her
companionship, is it not possible
that he is more motivated
by feelings of neglect and loss
than by homophobia?) Is it
reasonable for Dr. Brothers to
assume the woman is being
fair to her husband and he is
being unreasonable without