Konrad and Alexandra (pdf) - Rolf Gross

humanism?"
Alexandra lost her verve. She felt driven into a corner. "If you want to give my conviction
a label you could call it intellectual humanism. It does go back to the Renaissance."
Very serious, David explained that to him this individualist persuasion had always
appeared to be the ultimate danger to any established order. "You are putting an enormous
responsibility on man, how can you expect him to bear that weight? Decide what is good and
bad on one’s own cognizance? Are you doubting the existence of God as the final source of
our moral values?"
Against her better judgement she confessed. "In a certain sense, yes. For me, God is
part of me, not an outside authority which exists independent of myself. The knowledge of
good and bad is given to me. I know it is difficult to tap this inner order, one has to learn to
balance one’s mind completely to see it. And even if one learns to do that, one still makes
mistakes."
David was horrified by her individualism and made the remark which would continue to
haunt her for the rest of her life. "I fear this persuasion will give you much trouble in the years
to come. I wish you the strength and the discretion to continue to believe in this kind of
freedom. Do hide it from your friends and neighbors. They might try to kill you."
As she drove home Alexandra recalled their meeting. She was unhappy with herself.
She had wanted to get some guidance from David for the future, and the conversation, entirely
out of her control, had slipped into this philosophical discussion which she should have had
with Konrad or Friedrich, but not with David.
How had this happened to her? It was true that her conclusion about the relativity of
God and all ethical values had been growing in her mind for a long time. The naked bottom of
God in the Sistina! Looking for someone on whom to try out these thoughts, she had got the
wrong person.
Well, my dear, she told herself, you did get your advice for the future: hide your thoughts
from your friends and neighbors, they might try to kill you.
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