<strong>Road</strong> <strong>to</strong> <strong>Emmaus</strong> Vol. VII, <strong>No</strong>. 1 (#24)SOULS IN MOTIONpersonality become a conflict between parents and children is an artificialproblem created by literature and the mass media. The most important thingis <strong>to</strong> make children understand that they are <strong>to</strong> serve their parents, theirfamily, and society. They are not the center of attention, they must be gratefulfor their birth and for their parents’ labors. We should reject the cup ofpleasure for our children. We are not <strong>to</strong> satisfy all their caprices and self-will.<strong>RTE</strong>: And how do we curb rude and opinionated behaviors without dampeningthem?FR. A<strong>RTE</strong>MY: In our talks with youth, we should explain things not astheories, or with some psychological terminology, but by using examplesdrawn from life. We should try <strong>to</strong> talk about the difference between beingan individual and a person, about what makes you a personality and whatdeprives you of this gift. We are made in the image and likeness of God; thisis the mystery of personality. When, for example, you are rude and aggressiveand try <strong>to</strong> gain respect and compliance by means of your fists or yourvenomous <strong>to</strong>ngue, does this make you a person? A tiger, yes, a poisonoussnake or a python, yes, but a person, no.Or, when your lips open only for the purpose of loosing some insulting,sarcastic words, throwing them like mud that defiles everything it <strong>to</strong>uches,is this the quality of an interesting person? <strong>No</strong>. It is just a demonic featurethat makes all sinners look alike. All lustful people are quite similar, as areall drunkards, all murderers. They don’t have their own face, but theirfeatures are hard and dark, like voracious beasts or vultures. It is only virtue –mildness, patience, real humility, especially purity, wisdom, courage,discernment – that makes you a real person and makes your spirit uniqueand unrepeatable, different from everyone else.To be a person is not <strong>to</strong> manifest your ill “individuality,” your pride, arrogance,and provocation, but <strong>to</strong> radiate God’s grace, which brightens youreyes, your face, your words. In talking with our children, each of us is <strong>to</strong> bevery attentive <strong>to</strong> himself, accumulating these Christian qualities in our ownheart, that we ourselves may become a real personality. It is important not<strong>to</strong> read moral lectures – “this is bad,” “this is good,” “this is polite,” “this isimpolite” – but you should try <strong>to</strong> be open <strong>to</strong> the mystery of life, <strong>to</strong> showthe divine beauty of Jesus Christ, and the courage of His disciples whoconquered the demons of lust, arrogance, and pride.<strong>RTE</strong>: How can parents overcome their own negative emotions of worry, fear,anger, etc. when their child refuses <strong>to</strong> obey or exposes himself <strong>to</strong> dangerscommon <strong>to</strong> this age?FR. A<strong>RTE</strong>MY: Certainly, we should know that demons don’t sleep and thatthey wait for us in our own homes. Here in Russia we call them “housedemons” – and by this I mean that that passion which most often seducesyou in your own surroundings and is often connected with a certain relative,particularly your own child. I know very mild people, noble and refined, whocannot abstain from irritation when talking with their own mothers. Also,we know good parents – educated, very pious, who pray from their hearts –but who also carry many negative emotions about their child. They lose thehabit of smiling, and tend <strong>to</strong> only criticize, <strong>to</strong> express negativity. They poketheir fingers in<strong>to</strong> all these sore places, and although loving their children,they do everything <strong>to</strong> push them away. Certainly, this is demonic wisdom,it is the demons’ own network. If we insist on being like the silly fly thatinvariably settles on the spider’s web, we shouldn’t blame the spider. Blamedoesn’t help when we are caught in the web.<strong>RTE</strong>: So how do we disentangle ourselves?FR. A<strong>RTE</strong>MY: We are <strong>to</strong> be very, very attentive, <strong>to</strong> exercise self-controlthrough deep, inner observation of the heart and spiritual readiness <strong>to</strong>oppose any movement of this negativity. We are <strong>to</strong> explore our own heart,and the moment something appears in your conscience, the instant that youdetect the slightest hint of such a heinous vice, you are <strong>to</strong> smash thisBabylon baby against the rock of prayer.We should try <strong>to</strong> be quiet, sympathetic, loving and smiling when we communicatewith teenagers. Priests know this fact: if you want <strong>to</strong> attain somemoral goal, if you want <strong>to</strong> produce a change in a human heart, you are not <strong>to</strong>be dry and harsh and dark, but, as the Holy Fathers advise, we are <strong>to</strong> sayunpleasant things in pleasant words, and these must be words from the heart.<strong>RTE</strong>: Thank you. We’ve been talking about the problems of adolescents,but what good things are happening at this time that we can help develop?FR. A<strong>RTE</strong>MY: We know that a teenager differs from a younger child, first of allin his mind, which is capable of analysis, of developing moral standards forhimself, of seeking the meaning of life, searching for ideals, and yearning <strong>to</strong>1213
SOULS IN MOTIONdedicate himself <strong>to</strong> some noble cause. At the same time, the passionsbecome very intense and pull him the opposite way, particularly in everythingconnected with sexual matters. A battle begins in his heart.It is very important for this adolescent <strong>to</strong> find himself in appropriatesurroundings, <strong>to</strong> have good examples, some grown-up friends who canshare their worthy experience of life with him, who will inspire him <strong>to</strong> set hisfeet firmly on the path of sacrificial love. If he is left <strong>to</strong> himself, in most caseshe will attach himself <strong>to</strong> a crowd with low taste and wild passions, corruptedby the world.A universal advantage of these early years is innocence, which is theintegrity of soul and body, a gift given <strong>to</strong> us from birth. But often, like prodigalsons we waste this treasure, partially or fully, slowly or suddenly.If we call this period dangerous, it is only because of a lack of wisdom, oflight-mindedness, stubbornness, and of being influenced by bold andbrazen people who <strong>to</strong>o often mislead and rob our youth.Certainly, we should know that teenagers differ from grown-ups in thattheir hearts are still integral, that in the space of a moment they can followthe summons of heavenly grace. In an instant, a teenager can cast off all theobstacles that hinder him from moving forward on the field of good.<strong>RTE</strong>: And this is why we sometimes see teenagers change very quickly whenthey are introduced <strong>to</strong> church life, and they find someone or something <strong>to</strong>inspire them?FR. A<strong>RTE</strong>MY: Yes. Their hearts are not so burdened by sin, and these sins arenot yet habits or rules of life. Many teenage sins are made by mistake.Teenagers are often misled, they are not clever and wise, they are silly, andtheir sins are a result of ignorance, not decades of hardened consent. It isnot difficult for them <strong>to</strong> become good Christians, once they believe in Christwith all their hearts.<strong>RTE</strong>: How do we make chastity something tangible and desirable? Can yougive some concrete ways?FR. A<strong>RTE</strong>MY: First of all, when we speak <strong>to</strong> teenagers about chastity, whichnowadays is warred against most of all by both demons and fallen men(particularly in the mass media), the most important thing is your ownpersonal life, your own piety, your own incessant war against uncleanthoughts and desires, your personal chastity. If you are not successful in this15
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