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Revenge truly is sweet. It takes you to a dark place, but, man, it satisfies a thirst.
Then there was the strangest moment where it flipped. I caught a glimpse of the look of
terror in the boy’s face, and I realized that Abel had gone past getting revenge for me. He
wasn’t doing this to teach the kid a lesson. He was just beating him. He was a grown man
venting his rage on a twelve-year-old boy. In an instant I went from Yes, I got my revenge to
No, no, no. Too much. Too much. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Dear God, what have I done?
Once this kid was beat to shit, Abel dragged him over to the car and held him up in front
of me. “Say you’re sorry.” The kid was whimpering, trembling. He looked me in the eye, and I
had never seen fear in someone’s eyes like I saw in his. He’d been beaten by a stranger in a
way I don’t think he’d ever been beaten before. He said he was sorry, but it was like his
apology wasn’t for what he’d done to me. It was like he was sorry for every bad thing he’d
ever done in his life, because he didn’t know there could be a punishment like this.
Looking in that boy’s eyes, I realized how much he and I had in common. He was a kid. I
was a kid. He was crying. I was crying. He was a colored boy in South Africa, taught how to
hate and how to hate himself. Who had bullied him that he needed to bully me? He’d made
me feel fear, and to get my revenge I’d unleashed my own hell on his world. But I knew I’d
done a terrible thing.
Once the kid apologized, Abel shoved him away and kicked him. “Go.” The kid ran off,
and we drove back to the house in silence. At home Abel and my mom got in a huge fight. She
was always on him about his temper. “You can’t go around hitting other people’s children!
You’re not the law! This anger, this is no way to live!”
A couple of hours later this kid’s dad drove over to our house to confront Abel. Abel went
out to the gate, and I watched from inside the house. By that point Abel was truly drunk. This
kid’s dad had no idea what he was walking into. He was some mild-mannered, middle-aged
guy. I don’t remember much about him, because I was watching Abel the whole time. I never
took my eyes off him. I knew that’s where the danger was.
Abel didn’t have a gun yet; he bought that later. But Abel didn’t need a gun to put the fear
of God in you. I watched as he got right in this guy’s face. I couldn’t hear what the other man
was saying, but I heard Abel. “Don’t fuck with me. I will kill you.” The guy turned quickly and
got back in his car and drove away. He thought he was coming to defend the honor of his
family. He left happy to escape with his life.