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1 year ago

THUGWISE CAT

But I have to look at

But I have to look at the corpse of my ego, dashed upon the rocks of what is now life as we know it. I have to ask, “Where the fuck was I and why didn't I listen to the voice in the silence that whispered the warning, ‘Change is the landlord of this corner you occupy in the universe. Payment is due - and you’re arrears’.” Where do I go when I have nothing left when my hopes and dreams were undercut by my hubris? And who the fuck am I now? !!. This morning, I spoke to a young woman who’s first words were. “I feel sad…” And with a response caught in my throat, and with management listening in for quality assurance I laughed and said “I put on my big girl pants, so I know how you feel, “ and turned the conversation to other matters, knowing now, for the first time ever I have an inkling of how she feels; a muslim woman, and a gnostic woman, 64

two second class citizens not part of the inner circle. But I can’t let her know that as I’m on the clock and I’ve got to keep going. III Every woman I talk to has the same tense tone engendered by vocal cords paralysed by that atavistic fear of knowing that something or someone is after you, that someone might grab you and give you a beatdown like a cow getting poleaxed before the slaughter. And none of us will commit; to congregate is unseemly, to mention empowerment a crime. My despair grows by the hour, as words I used to take pride in are now crushed in the silence. By 3 pm I wish - O.. I wish, for a brief second, I’d been born a man. IV What does it mean to be a woman in America? What has it ever meant to try to be equal In the land of opportunity and greed, oppression 65

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