Kill Switch by Penelope Douglas

I set out a bowl of food for Mikhail in the mud room and
freshened up his water, just in case he was outside somewhere.
I knew he wasn’t. He would’ve come back by now. But just in
case…
And then I took my water and headed upstairs, into the
bathroom, my eyelids trying to close like I hadn’t slept all
night.
I set my water down, it clinking against the granite
countertop, and walked over to the tub, sitting on the edge as I
turned on the water. Making it as hot as I could stand, I sat
there running my hand under the water, the steam wafting up
to my face.
I closed my eyes, feeling my pulse thunder inside as
everything else was so quiet.
I feel you.
I feel you everywhere.
The cloves on his clothes, the fountain on his skin.
The words on his tongue, the breath on his lips.
The hand on my neck, the sharp in his silence.
Down the hall. Sitting in the study. Outside in the rain.
At the open bathroom door.
Or right in the corner of the room.
Right here. Watching me.
He was always coming.
Or…
Maybe I never left. His words came back to me.
When he was in prison, he was here. When I wanted to
want other men, he was here. When I danced, when I cried,
whenever I was alone, and when I was quiet in a room full of
people and thinking about him, he was here.
The truth was, I’d had what Michael and Rika had. I
thought I had anyway. Those days were when I was the
happiest. Even though it was a lie, it was the best I’d ever felt.