Kill Switch by Penelope Douglas

I winced, and I couldn’t inhale. Something was on my
chest. Sitting there.
“And when you finally get a visit—four guards your dad
pays to beat the shit out of you on the first of every month so
you don’t get soft in solitary—you start to look forward to
those visits.” I bared my teeth, still looking at her as I walked.
“Because pain in the body quiets the pain in the head. It feels
good, like a kill switch for your brain. And then you remember
that fucking little cunt sitting in that courtroom, even though
she didn’t have to be there, to take pleasure in hearing you
accused and sentenced, while people lied about you and said
you forced her into it.” My throat grew thick, and I almost
couldn’t speak. “Forced her to get naked and to open her legs,
going into vile detail like I made her do things I couldn’t
already get from her sister down the hall or any other girl I
wanted.” I was yelling now. “Acting like that time with her
wasn’t the only fucking time I didn’t hate fucking.”
I gasped for breath, my mania replaced with fury, and I
saw Winter in my head and then only red. I stopped and stared
at Rika, but my anger was still hot.
“And maybe she couldn’t have stopped me being
convicted, but she could’ve told them the truth. She could’ve
stood up and said something. She could’ve opened her fucking
mouth and talked,” I growled, my throat tight and burning.
“But she stayed quiet, and you went into solitary for three
years, and your friends fended for themselves while your mind
slowly slipped off its axis and you’d rip out your own hair
because animals do insane things when they’re caged for too
long.”
I panted, trying to lower my voice. “Three years,” I said,
seething. “Three. Years. Rika.”
I paused, evening out my voice and calming my breathing
back to normal.
“So, yeah,” I said, mocking her. “You bet your ass I’m
gonna hurt her.”
She sat there, her gaze faltering and her eyes glistening,
but her shoulders still squared. She wasn’t a stupid woman,