Butterfly Effect - ressourcesfeministes

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162 o The woman holds out her hands, blunted by leprosy. Her eyes shine. She takes the coin in her scarf. Would I, could I … o Sunnydale and Sakhi. More memories. your mother’s, your aunt’s your grandparents’ too. It’s where your father wooed your mother over years. Such patience. But the world has changed and no one believes in the future any more. We three walk the Pune streets, past the school yard, past the sweet shop, and your memories are tumbling out in pictures and stories as we walk. The living-room at Aunty Esme’s Sunnydale is filled with mementos.
163 A flying duck takes off on the wall above Aunty Esme’s head, the floral décor lights up next to a lute-playing angel, and Christ’s head, though crowned with thorns, is surrounded by a string of silver stars. On the wall, a doily, family photographs, a pink cardboard model house perched above a tea-towel printed with Christmas motifs. The tiles at my feet create 3D optical illusions. A decorated fish graces the table, food preparation a ritual for guests fish-scales made of Spanish onion. After dinner there are games to make the family and visitors laugh. In my family, in Scintli’s family, we both would not play. The distance here is far enough removed to let it be. But I see the familiar rebellions on Sakhi’s face.
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Susan Hawthorne is a poet, novelist
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the Butterfly Effect Susan Hawthorn
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Contents note to sappho vii The But
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Note to Sappho It’s been a long t
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3 Strange tractors It’s an ancien
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5 We stand in a place where flowers
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7 not missing a beat. His history i
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Unstopped Mouths
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11 Unstopped Mouths 1 we meet in th
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13 simplified a single twist of hai
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15 we line the shelves of our homes
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17 summer with fire in the nostrils
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19 Empurpled 1 physicists speak of
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21 to the moon 5 with desire satisf
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23 we play pool billiards and snook
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25 harpies sirens birds of prey les
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27 In the Prisons we are known as c
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29 it’s still happening just two
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31 when the moon rises full in Scor
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33 my friend Daisy killed her husba
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35 some live in prisons without wal
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37 Rose Garden those who have no me
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39 making rosettes embroidering pil
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41 we fall upon one another kissing
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43 Firenze in honour of Jacqui Stoc
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45 porticos are chosen for secret m
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47 the cupola floats like a giant b
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49 we share our home with dogs cats
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51 Death for Maureen O’Connor it
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53 we stand in the cold gathering s
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55 Gumboots and Goblin Fruit we pul
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57 amazons Margaret Bhadravati Boud
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59 with the assistance of harnesses
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61 sipping at lemons 22 relishing t
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63 Amphibious Lips we tuck hibiscus
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65 we take our boats casting off 11
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67 some days we float above corals
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69 we build fires on the beach cook
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71 The Land for Renate and River I
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73 known to drive nine hundred kilo
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75 we are not the only lesbians in
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77 Angel Tongues Hail Mary Mother o
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79 mani padme aum clouds wrap thems
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81 pustules vile bodies unclean bod
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83 Tragedia they say it is a traged
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85 social mores shift and run their
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87 HD 17 even though their words bu
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89 there are cities in our minds 21
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91 those who fear us have many name
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93 sleepless eyes reviled for our a
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95 Love is an Uprising we write wri
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97 we imagine a language invented b
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99 some of us are saints 19 or Sybi
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101 Lavender Hour in the lavender h
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103 in the lavender hour extraterre
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105 the lavender hour is not marked
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107 Carnivale 1 we sing sliding alo
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109 the Queen of Hearts the Queen o
Page 121: 111 join the throng beating out the
Page 125: 115 Music for lesbian mouths oooooo
Page 129 and 130: 119 Almanac of the Dead 1 for Primr
Page 131 and 132: 121 ix I go to breakfast and mentio
Page 133 and 134: 123 The drive to LA is too long. I
Page 135 and 136: 125 Graveside Meditation We, the mo
Page 137 and 138: 127 In my mind then comes a phrase
Page 139 and 140: 129 But then the war came. You had
Page 141 and 142: 131 You told me later that you spen
Page 143 and 144: 133 As the cold wraps itself around
Page 145 and 146: 135 Memory is trampled by daily lif
Page 147 and 148: 137 The Dead i The dead press their
Page 149 and 150: 139 I return to my daughters in the
Page 151: India Sutra
Page 154 and 155: 144 modern day swan-maidens. Here a
Page 156 and 157: 146 the coffin missing but still th
Page 158 and 159: 148 unlike the others, she talks tu
Page 160 and 161: 150 o A buzz of black and yellow pa
Page 162 and 163: 152 Mementos for Sindhu, she says,
Page 164 and 165: 154 but not the silence between us.
Page 166 and 167: 156 Is this what freedom amounts to
Page 168 and 169: 158 they say, but not back. The ris
Page 170 and 171: 160 white on ochre a drummer and da
Page 174 and 175: 164 o This headache is like a strin
Page 176 and 177: 166 25 Jan We talk of place, of mig
Page 178 and 179: 168 Happiness is a dry fart, says t
Page 180 and 181: 170 into the couch. It’s Scintl w
Page 182 and 183: 172 The buffalo is in camouflage, w
Page 184 and 185: 174 o In Goa, tourists tear along o
Page 186 and 187: 176 just then, I receive one from h
Page 188 and 189: 178 entwined double snakes, spirals
Page 190 and 191: 180 Poorvashada and Uttarshada— f
Page 192 and 193: 182 Mourning my father, the stillne
Page 194 and 195: 184 of battles between the freedoms
Page 196 and 197: 186 4 Feb In this one speeding car,
Page 198 and 199: 188 I can haggle too, but not here.
Page 200 and 201: 190 broad swathe is no highway for
Page 202 and 203: 192 spread it out in the paddock an
Page 204 and 205: 194 Second Sutra 26 May 2004, Delhi
Page 206 and 207: 196 half contained. Pot plants flow
Page 208 and 209: 198 o The women of Jagori share lun
Page 210 and 211: 200 29 May We attend a reading in A
Page 212 and 213: 202 emerge from behind bushes, thei
Page 214 and 215: 204 31 May Old Agra is shimmering i
Page 216 and 217: 206 Knocked sideways by this rush o
Page 218 and 219: 208 third Sutra 28 Dec 2004, Bingil
Page 221: Fragilities
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214 Gravity’s rainbow could not f
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216 Greek for Suzanne Bellamy in ho
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218 It helped her unravel the birds
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220 Oil and water I said, It’s no
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222 The Day of My Crucifixion for a
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224 perform as if in a wake ghostli
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Eye of a Needle 226 Mid-twentieth c
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228 o 1980s In the camp I live unde
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230 Once long ago they said I was a
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232 women falling, falling … We a
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235 Bibliography Abbot, Sidney and
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237 —. 1989. Medieval Woman’s M
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239 —. 1990. Lecture, UCLA, May 5
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241 Jay, Karla. 1999. Tales of the
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243 Radicalesbians. 1970. “The Wo
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245 Undset, Sigrid. 1951/1980. Kris
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247 Acknowledgements Some of the po
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