Have a Happy & Healthy New Year! - the Parklander

PEARLS OF WISDOM
CELEBRATE, CONGRATULATE AND
CONTRIBUTE CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM
B“Be more concerned with your character than with your reputation. Your
character is what you really are while your reputation is merely what others
think you are” (John Wooden). Is there a modus operandi for parents to
follow to ensure that their child will develop a
strong character?
Parents must learn to praise their child’s
accomplishments, as well as to encourage near
accomplishments. Genuinely earned praise
(and a child knows counterfeit praise) should
be a parenting tool used to ensure that a child’s
appropriate behavioral responses are repeated.
Parents need to help children of all ages set
goals and the steps to achieving the goals.
Honest praise is essential for a child to grow
and develop socially and emotionally. Of all
the messages that a parent can send to their
child, genuine praise through compliments, is the most powerful.
Genuine compliments about a task well–done or a goal that was achieved
provides a child with specific feedback about their behavior. A child will
repeat this behavior again and again until it becomes part of their tapestry
of beliefs about themselves and their world.
A compliment helps a child realize what is right about them.
Compliments are words that are specific, easy to understand and given
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“Genuinely earned praise
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to ensure that a child’s
appropiate behavioral
responses are repeated.”
88 JANUARY 2007
By Dr. Jeanne M. Korn
authentically. “You did it just right”, “You should feel good about your
decision”, “Your decision to keep working hard really paid off ”, “I’m
impressed”, “Look how far you’ve come”, and “We knew you could do it”
are just a few examples of praise
words/compliments that parents can give
to their child when earned. Praise is a
powerful, effective tool that yields results
more effectively than finding fault.
Parents’ verbal comments impact a child
in a positive or negative manner. As
parents, we want our child to learn “positive
self talk”. A child learns to talk himself/herself
into success. Parents are the
role models and the essential ingredient in
building a child’s character and selfesteem.
Where does constructive criticism play a role in
character development?
It is important to remember that a child needs constructive criticism in
order to make better choices. To shield a child from a reprimand will prevent
improvement in his/her behavior. Additionally, it will give a false
sense of security about the world that may be harmful to the child.
Parents need to focus on the inappropriate behaviors and not a child’s personality
when giving constructive criticism. A parent needs to be calm,
direct, honest and firm with their words. There is no place for yelling or
using inappropriate words when speaking with a child. This approach
does not “get someone’s attention” in the manner that one may think.
Remember, a child is always watching and learning from parents—learning
how a parent reacts when things don’t go exactly right. These are the
powerful life lessons that a child will take with them forever.These are the
behaviors that we will see repeated.
Parents need to spell out expectations for appropriate behavior and the
consequences for inappropriate behavior. A parent should never use
threatening words or profanity to get a point across. Without a doubt, a
parent must offer hope and help for the child who has made a mistake.
Parents should guide their child by helping him/her understand that there
were other appropriate choices that could have been selected. A parent
should insist that the child select another response that would be effective
and appropriate to implement should the event transpire again.
It is advisable for the parent to discuss the preferred behavior with the
child. As an educator, I found that most students could “brainstorm”
with you on more appropriate responses that might have yielded a better
conclusion for them. Parents must follow through with a logical consequence
for inappropriate behaviors as this process teaches children to
remember the importance of making appropriate choices. As parents,
we must then let go of the issue—life needs to go on. Children make
mistakes and children recover from their mistakes with adult guidance
and support.
As Abraham Lincoln stated, “The best thing about the future is that it
comes only one day at a time.” Enjoy each day with your child and know
that some days will be better than others, but that every day is a blessing—
yes, even the tough days.
Dr. Jeanne M. Korn is Assistant Headmaster at The North Broward
Preparatory School in Coconut Creek. E-mail her at korn@theparklander.com