Complete Idiot's Guide to Conquering Fear and Anxiety

Page 164wondering, "what's taking her so long?" You may be sensitive to the sounds you make and, if you pass gas, feel that no one else makes such loud noises and thatpeople will wonder what's wrong with you. If you are a man with this phobia, you might have somewhat different concerns, since men's restrooms don't have privatestalls for urinating. If other men are around when you use the urinal, you become anxious that you may be unable to urinate right away. When you don't, you worry thatsomeone might think that you're masturbating, as if you're some kind of a pervert, or that you're gay or, if you are, that you will reveal yourself. These thoughts onlymake it more difficult for your bladder to relax and for you to urinate.Dating: The thought of asking someone for a date evokes two fears: rejection and acceptance. First, you worry that the person will refuse a date or, if they accept,they are doing so to be nice, or even out of pity. Should you go out with them, you fear behaving in such as way as to invite rejection or ridicule.Doing things alone: Lacking friends with whom to socialize, you sometimes try going alone to a restaurant, a movie, a sporting event, the theatre or even on avacation. But the solo route only makes you feel defective and worry that people will look at you with pity and wonder why you're so unpopular. Thus, you generallyopt for a rented video and fast food to sitting by yourself in a restaurant or movie theatre.Some social phobics are apprehensive about many social situations, even all. Others fear only particular situations. Sally, insanely in love with Raffi, fantasized day andnight about lying in his arms as they passionately kissed. But when she was with him, she felt so nervous that her hands shook uncontrollably. Horribly ashamed ofwhat he might think of her, she avoided doing anything that involved her hands, like smoking or eating with him. Yet, she loved school and had no problem takingexams or speaking up in class. Jeff, on the other hand, was happily married to Sandra, an outgoing and understanding woman. But he dreaded any situation in whichattention was focused on him­speaking in public, eating with friends in a restaurant, even using public telephones.Is There a Hole I Can Crawl into?What specifically do social phobics fear when under public scrutiny?Fear of being looked at: You become self­conscious when people focus their attention on you. For instance, when out to dinner with a group of friends, you beginto make a comment and become aware that people are looking at you. You