Complete Idiot's Guide to Conquering Fear and Anxiety

It is a premature introduction to sexuality. Genital arousal overstimulates the child, who doesn't know how to handle the excitation. Often, it leads to inappropriatesexual acting out.It interrupts a child's normal development. Pre­occupied with thoughts of the molestation and attendant confusing and uncomfortable feelings, the child cannotconcentrate in school. Socially, the child may feel different­a freak­and be unable to relate to her peer group: if you're having sex with your father, how can you feellike other girls your age who are giggling about boys who have kissed them?Page 310If parents become overly distraught­how could you not?­they unwittingly increase their child's fright. Plus, the child feels the additional burden of feeling responsible forthe parent's pain. If the legal system gets involved and removes the child from the home and family, extensively and intrusively interviews them, or if parent orprofessional doubt the child's disclosures, the child is further traumatized. Should father or mother get arrested, feelings of guilt and parental rejection furthercomplicate matters for the child. And with the case now embroiled in the legal process, which can go on for some time, the child will be unable to put the abuse behindand begin the healing process.Bad TouchWhen threatened, your child seeks closeness and protection from you. Your frightened two­year­old hides behind your skirt when a stranger approaches. Yourscared eight­year­old inches a little closer to daddy when the balloon suddenly bursts. But what does a child do when a parent physically abuses the child andbecomes the source of danger? Who do they turn to for protection? This is a tragic paradox because, as developmental psychologist Mary Main explains, it puts thechild in a double bind: to flee from danger (the violent parent) or to come toward the haven of safety (the same protective parent).Young children solve it by doing both. For instance, when an irate mother slapped her three­year­old, he started crying and then tried to lay his head in her lap. Olderchildren will rationalize the abuse as their fault and believe they deserve the beating. If their parents, who are there to love and care for them, hit them, they must bebad. To minimize further abuse and increase their chances for protection, children learn very early to behave in ways that appease the parent. This is why childrenoften won't ''squeal" on the abusive parent. Who, then, would protect them?Repeated and severe physical abuse leads to disabling and severe chronic post­traumatic stress. Thoughts of,