Complete Idiot's Guide to Conquering Fear and Anxiety

Page 204Destructive thought: Even if I do pass, I'll fail the next time.Constructive thought: I have the ability to do well on these exams and I can do it.Destructive thought: If I don't pass this exam, people will think I'm stupid.Constructive thought: I'm not stupid and I generally only fail exams because I get too nervous. If I can calm myself down, I should do just fine.Stopping old playbacks is not easy to do. If you've been anxious for a long time, these destructive, negative messages have been playing non­stop for years andbecome a well­established habit. Generally, it takes either short­or long­term therapy with a mental health professional to help learn a new script. But each time thatyou can stop a negative thought and replace it with a positive one, you will take a step in conquering your fears.Starting with the Right ABCsThe ABCs of destructive thinking were outlined by Albert Ellis, the founder of rational­emotive therapy, and go something like this. Some adversity happens to us,which we think about. These thoughts turn into beliefs, which have consequences­they become part of how we view ourselves and influence future actions. If you canbegin to see your thinking process in this way, you can learn to challenge your thoughts and change them. Let's look at how this might play out with Jacqueline, whoworried that she messed up her job interview at an interior design firm.Adversity: Rather than toot her own horn during the interview, she tooted that of the previous interviewee. She then asked for an unrealistic amount of money foran entry­level position.Beliefs: "God, how could I have been so stupid. I'll never get anywhere."Consequences: She felt more miserable, more helpless, more inept, less­efficiency, and sidetracked from planning and deciding her next moves.Disputation: She blew things way out of proportion. Her denial of her talent could have come across as modesty, rather than awkwardness, and her request for$50,000 as an assertive, bold move that might come in handy to get clients to spend more money.Outcome: If she does not get the job, she need not feel discouraged from trying again. If she's concerned about her lack of self­confidence, she can take steps toincrease it­by preparing a script ahead of time before the next interview, for instance.