ETHICAL

THE ETHICAL SLUT
garden. Safety note: if your feelings like intense physical expression,
you will need to keep a piece of your mind alert to the fact that you're
heavily adrenalized and feel stronger than you actually are, so give a
little attention to what you can do without injury. Dossie once hiked
up a big hill in a stressed-out state and felt powerful and wonderfulshe
remembers thinking about how she must be in much better shape
then she thought she was. The next day was agony of the physical kind,
with strained muscles and swollen joints.
Try finding music that fits your mood, angry or sad or frantic, and
dancing your feelings out. It can be very satisfying to get a cheap plastic
tennis racket and beat up your couch. Kneel in front of the couch, raise
the racket above your head, and bring it down with all your strength.
Keep your eyes open, imagine anything on the couch that you are angry
at except yourself, and yell, loudly, how you feel.
When you express yourself, you get to know yourself better and
work out some of the most intense stress constructively. The least you
could wind up with would be a clean kitchen, and you might actually
feel good after a self-indulgent afternoon on the beach.
POOR BABY
Try focusing on the feelings in your body: where do you feel these emotions,
in your throat, chest, gut? Turning your attention to the physical
sensations can intensify them and might bring up tears, but they will
move on through even more readily if you allow yourself to feel them
on the physical level. If rage comes welling up, you can pound on a
pillow. If you start to cry, let it flow, remembering the sense of relief
that comes after expressing intense emotion in tears. Janet likes to seek
out a tearjerker book or movie to help her get tears out when she feels
stuck. (Terms of Endearment has never failed her yet.)
Some people have trouble doing this because they've been taught
that it's wrong to feel sorry for yourself. So who else should you feel
sorry for? Stay in sympathy with yourself: you feel bad, so be kind to
yourself.
You can talk to a friend, or your other lover, presuming you have
made agreements about confidentiality with everybody who might
care if you gossip. Janet has a deal with a good friend of hers for telephone
support. She can call her friend up and ask for five minutes of
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