ETHICAL

Flirting and Cruising
The Fine Art of Flirting
Everybody is born knowing how to flirt, and if you doubt it, watch
the way a baby or toddler interacts with nearby adults: lots of eye contact,
smiles, maybe a chortle of welcome and the offer of a beloved toy
(which must, according to the rules, be promptly handed back after
due admiration, just like adult toys).
Most of us, though, lose this precious ability by the time we're grownups
and need to learn it all again from scratch. Your authors believe
that great flirting should be an end in itself rather than a means to an
end. Practice flirting for fun, and maybe put aside, for the moment,
any specific goals about getting laid. Focus on getting good connection.
Watch the way many gay men flirt with straight women-friendly flattery,
lighthearted innuendo, nonthreatening intimacy, all made possible
by the realization that the interaction is intended simply for mutual
pleasure, not in the hopes of a quick dash to the nearest bedroom.
We suggest, then, that you learn to flirt simply by practicing. The
sort of behavior you may associate with the word "flirting" ("hey, baby,
what's your sign?") is not the sort of thing we're talking about here and
is, in fact, its exact opposite. Great flirting is about seeing; hunger to
be seen is a natural human emotion, and when you show people that
you're seeing them, it's natural for them to start seeing you.
A lot of flirting is nonverbal. There's a way of holding eye contact
for just a moment longer than usual-more than a passing glance, less
than an outright stare-that lets a person know that you find them
worth looking at. Turn your body so that you're facing the object of your
interest, and stay physically open, arms and legs uncrossed. Smile.
If your flirting proceeds to words, we suggest a sincere, personal,
but nonsexual compliment to start. Is the person at the dry cleaning
counter wearing a new pair of glasses? Is the person next to you on the
park bench leading a poodle that's sporting a fresh haircut? Did you
hear through the grapevine that your next-door neighbor just got a nice
promotion at work? A sincere compliment on any of these is a way of
saying, "I'm paying attention to you; you're not just a face in the crowd
to me." This approach may not seem like flirting to you, but trust us,
it's a great first step. Commenting on physical appearance, particularly
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