ETHICAL

Couples
The ideas in this section are written for two-person couples for the
sake of simplicity, but most of them apply to threesomes and moresomes
as well.
COMPETITION
One problem that sometimes arises between partners in sluttery is
competition to be the most popular, a concern most of us have carried
around in the bottom of our psyches since junior high school. Sometimes
partners compete with each other to see who can score the most
or the most attractive of conquests-an ugly picture.
We cannot reiterate often enough: this is not a contest, this is not
a race, and nobody is the prize. One strategy to cut through any feelings
of competitiveness is to play matchmaker for each other, to invest
yourself in your partner's sexual happiness as you do in your ownsome
polyfolk use the word "compersion" to describe the feeling of
joy that comes from seeing your partner sexually happy with someone
else. Remember the climax of The Big Chill, in which a woman character
sets up her best friend with her husband so that her single friend
could have a baby?
Janet recalls meeting a new Internet acquaintance for coffee and
hearing her describe a pet sexual fantasy that was startlingly similar to
Janet's then-partner's. Janet set up a first date for her new acquaintance
and her partner for later that week, and the two of them (with Janet
joining in later on) went on to have a long and intense relationship.
Dossie was once out on a date with a longtime lover of hers when
she noticed an attractive person trying to catch her eye behind her
date's back. She explained the situation to her date, who had a stroke
of genius. He strode over to the young man in question and with great
dignity announced, "My lady would like you to have her phone number."
The young man looked terrified at the time, but he called the
next morning. Dossie has made use of this strategy repeatedly since
then and recommends it highly: they always call!
CRUSHES
We have pointed out before that it is impossible for anyone to predict
what depth of feeling may potentially exist in any sexual relationship.
197