ETHICAL

Slut Styles
small town in New England that had tried, with little success, to pound
her into the form of a nice, respectable young lady. When she got to
New York City, she discovered cultures in which strong women were
accepted and respected: she got to have chutzpah. Talk about opening
up a whole realm of possibilities!
Boundaries in communication, connection, and relationship vary
from culture to culture. Personal distance differs enormously-they say
you can recognize the European-American at a Latin American cocktail
party: he's the one who is frantically backing away from everyone
who wants to talk to him because they keep stepping too close. Volume
varies too: some cultures value being subdued and quiet, others are
dramatically expressive and, well, loud.
We recommend that you look for these differences and suspend your
judgments. Is that person who seems too loud actually able to be more
expressive than you? Does that quiet person notice more? What's the
intelligence of a person who hasn't read a lot of books but understands
how your car, or your computer, works? Who are these unbelievably
self-confident people who make sexual propositions openly and enthusiastically
and get really confused when you accuse them of coming on
too strong? Maybe they have some ways of making connection that
you could learn from.
It is sad, indeed tragic, that so many of our sexual communities
fail to welcome people from the whole world of cultures, of races, of
genders, of sexualities. When you look at the people around you and
dismiss them-or, worse yet, assume you know all there is to know
about them-because of their skin color, gender, way of speaking,
mode of dress, religion, or country of origin, you'll never get to hear
any of the new and fascinating things that those people might have to
say. Our friend Jaymes says, "I believe that every person you connect
with on this planet has some sort of a message to give you. If you cut
yourself off from whatever .kind of relationship wants to form with
that person, you're failing to pick up your messages" ... and what a
shame that would be!
When we are attracted to someone who comes from a background
different from our own, and we fail to take that difference into account,
then we will mess up what could have been a great connection. We
think learning about cultures different from our own helps us to learn
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