ETHICAL

Embracing Conflict
listeners will often find themselves full of ideas, suggestions, and
so on, which they need to keep to themselves. Put your own ideas
aside for these few minutes, and pay attention to what it's like to
just focus on listening. Because you may be full of responses to what
you have heard, we suggest wa iting a bit or doing something else
before switching roles.
These are intimate conversations. Show your appreciation to your
partner for being brave enough to talk about these struggles. Hugs
work great.
Help Is Available
You don't have to do all this on your own-many wonderful books,
classes, workshops, and other resources are available. It's a good idea
to put aside some time and energy to learn about communication and
to do it with the person you're trying to communicate with.
There are many excellent weekend workshops focusing on communication
for couples; many churches offer weekend marriage retreats,
and some medical centers offer classes in couples' communication and
anger management. Workshops and classes are worth attending even
if they don't specifically address sluttery. We've never known a couple
who went to a communication or intimacy workshop and didn't gain
some good new skills and insights from it. Some workshops exist specifically
to work on issues arising from nonmonogamy. Don't hesitate to
take these workshops, and remember that the facilitator has expertise
in creating safe environments to explore highly charged issues. Many
couples repeat these workshops when a new issue has arisen in their
lives. We encourage you to take a class or a workshop, or to join a support
group suitable to your needs. Just knowing that others struggle
with some of the same issues that you do can help.
Support, ideas, and information can also be found through online
groups and tribes. See chapter 17, "Making Connection," for ideas on
how to find these.
A more expensive, but still excellent, option is to do some sessions
with a couples' counselor. In general, we recommend this as a second-level
alternative, after you've already done some classes and workshops,
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