ETHICAL

Flirting and Cruising
FOR COUPLES
Sometimes couples, or an established group of lovers, may be cruising
for somebody or somebodies new to play with, in a three-way or
more. Cruising as a couple has its advantages-if you strike out, you
still have someone to go home with. However, many cruisees are not
used to the idea of openly nonmonogamous relationships and may get
a little freaked out when you come on to them with, "Hi, I find you
very attractive, and so does my wife." Be reassured that you will also
find many lovely people who actually prefer the safety and built-in
boundaries of getting it on with one or both members of an established
couple ... and be prepared to find a goodly number of happy shiny
needles in your carefully chosen haystack.
Some couples cruise together for someone to play with in a threeway,
while others cruise individually for partners who want to play
with one or the other of them. When you're coupled but cruising solo,
please do remember to mention to your cruisee that you have a partner
at home. Some people will be delighted to receive this news and others
will not, but full disclosure is the ethical part of ethical sluthood.
If you plan to go home with your spouse when it comes time to leave
this party, it is courteous to make sure your other beloveds know this
in advance. Reassure new contacts by exchanging contact information
and, if appropriate, choosing a place and time to get together in the
future, like "May I call you tomorrow morning?" or "Would you like
to meet for coffee after work?"
Whether you cruise individually or together, you need to work
out your agreements beforehand. Who is interested in doing what to
whom? Where? When? If one of you is looking for someone to hit the
mattress with right there that night and the other wants something
permanent ("She followed me home! Can I keep her? Please?"), you
may be headed for a major misunderstanding.
Each member of a couple must have the requisite social skills.
Depending on your partner to do all the work of introductions, conversation,
flirtation, and negotiation is bad for you and bad for your
partner. It may also lead to misunderstandings, since few partners are
skilled enough communicators to get across all your needs, interests,
and personality traits.
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